


If You Only Knew

by blueeyedcherry



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 16:13:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueeyedcherry/pseuds/blueeyedcherry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward Cullen lost himself when he lost his parents to a fatal car crash. Isabella Swan never knew herself to begin with. When their worlds collide unexpectedly, everything they've ever known is questioned, and both of their lives are changed forever.</p><p>-Nominated: Best Drama, The Fandom Choice Awards-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, another one. I pulled this a few months back because they just weren't ready to share their story. Now they won't stop screaming at me. Nothing was going to get accomplished on any other stories until this got out, so here we are.
> 
> This will hurt. It won't be all sunshine and rainbows. It's labeled angst for a reason. Just trust in me. And trust in them.
> 
> No promise on an update schedule, but I will try my hardest to make them regular. I can tell you now there's four chapters after this that are mostly written.
> 
> Thank you for stepping onto this journey. I hope you enjoy the ride. And please, share your thoughts. I always love to hear what you think! :)
> 
> \- N.
> 
> Characters belong to SM. Everything else belongs to me.

Banner by [vbfb19](http://www.twitter.com/vbfb19).

 

" _Edward Cullen?"_

" _Yes?"_

" _This is Officer Denali from the Seattle Police Department. Are you the son of a Mr. Peter and Mrs. Charlotte Cullen?"_

_Wheels began to turn, dispensing a trademark smart assed answer._

" _That depends on why you're asking."_

" _I'm afraid there's been an accident. I need to ask you to come down to the medical examiner's office as soon as possible."_

_Silence._

" _Mr. Cullen?"_

" _That's really rich, Crowley! Fuck you man, that shit isn't funny! Look, I just picked Kate up-"_

" _I'm afraid I'm not Mr. Crowley, Edward, and this is no prank phone call. Now, are you able to come down to the medical examiner's office or shall I contact your brother, Jasper Cullen?"_

_Silence hung on the line again, broken eventually by one hard swallow, two deep breaths, and a disbelieving sigh._

" _I'm on my way."_

**IYoK**

Adrenaline dropped the drive time from thirty minutes to a mere ten. White knuckles gripped the Wrangler's steering wheel and deep green eyes never once left the windshield. Silent sobs rocked his passenger, while folded arms kept the cardigan she wore firmly secured around her tiny frame.

"Edward, please, slow down." It was a weak plea - for her safety, for his safety, and for the safety of the other cars on the highway. He shook his head and punched the gas pedal, swerving around a slow-moving Cadillac and taking one of the downtown exits.

Tires screeched, a buckle unfastened, and hard footsteps echoed off the pavement as he ran toward the building. He didn't need to look to know she wasn't following him. She was probably on the phone with her sister already.

_Jasper_. Edward stopped and turned abruptly, pointing his finger at her as he spoke. "Don't you dare call Tanya! This is something my brother needs to hear from me."

He swung the building door open and was greeted with the smell of sickness and stale air. An elderly gentleman in a white coat stood off to the side, wrapped up in the file in his hands.

"I'm Edward Cullen." Awkward, but sufficient; it wasn't like this was the most formal or happening place in Seattle on a Saturday night. The man closed the file and pushed his glasses up on his nose, sticking one hand out and smiling sadly.

"I'm Doctor Banner. Please, come with me."

Edward almost didn't follow. He had no idea what was at the end of that hall. Part of him was convinced this was all a mistake, or some big, practical joke. He half expected Ashton Kutcher to show up and tell him he was punk'd.

Real life didn't work that way, however. Real life snatched away the lives of loved ones and held them for a ransom that nobody could afford to pay. Real life threw high-speed curve balls and didn't award the batter a walk if one struck. Real life brought people places they'd never ordinarily go – never _want_ to go – like the medical examiner's office at 11:45pm on the last Saturday in July.

Edward looked on as Dr. Banner crossed the room and slipped his fingers beneath the edge of the nearest sheet. Deep, heavy breaths became quick, shallow ones as he watched the older man begin to pull the fabric down. Wisps of bloodstained, chestnut colored hair were the first things he saw, followed by a pale forehead and a familiar set of green eyes. He didn't need to get close to know it was her; he would recognize his mother's features anywhere.

His legs were on autopilot, propelling him forward and closing the gap between him and the metal gurney. Edward's fingertips brushed the edges of the sheet just as Dr. Banner rolled it past her neck and shoulders.

Six hours ago, the body before him had belonged to his mother. Now it had become the property of whatever power ruled the heavens above. Death had replaced life in the emerald colored spheres that stared back at him. Pristine skin was now blemished, swollen with large purple-black bruises and punctured by stray shards of glass. Full lips were left bleeding and broken, twisted into a painful grimace Edward hadn't seen her wear before. The locket Edward gave her when he was ten adorned her neck, its beauty polluted by a backdrop of cuts and scrapes.

And his father … _Oh, dad_ , Edward thought, turning to face the gurney behind him. Dr. Banner went through the same slow routine, pulling the sheet down inch by torturous inch while Edward's life continued to crumble alongside it.

Bruises spotted his father's face as well, though not as severe or abundant as the ones on his mother's. Denim orbs rested beneath battered lids and dried blood caked the left side of his face, the source hidden somewhere behind his shaggy blonde hair. His button-down shirt was torn, and the fingers on his left hand were obviously broken.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was the sickness he felt. He slumped forward, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the mayonnaise colored tiles. Life didn't exist in this room. Life was outside, walking her dog down the street and nodding her head to the beat of whatever song happened to come across her iPod. Life was on Bainbridge Island, nestled comfortably beneath a pile of covers, arm secured firmly around his wife's waist. Life was sitting shotgun in his jeep, waiting to offer him words of condolence and support, things he didn't want to hear right now.

No, life was not in this room, and Edward didn't want to be either. He stood and wiped his chin roughly with a shaky hand, walking backwards until his shoulders were flush with the door.

"It's them." He didn't recognize the whisper that fell from his lips.

"Are you okay, son?" Dr. Banner pulled the sheets up and inched toward him. Edward slid his palm along the door until he found the handle. He looked down at his shoes and shook his head.

"Am I supposed to be fucking okay?"

Dr Banner frowned. "Is there someone I can call for you? You really shouldn't be alone-"

"NO!" Edward snapped his head up, eyes flashing with rage. "You can't fucking call anyone! Don't you get it? They're dead – gone, both of them! How the fuck do you plan on calling them?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

Dr. Banner's face was a blur as Edward spun around and flung the door open. Long, fast strides carried him back to the jeep and the fair-haired comfort that awaited. Comfort wasn't his to find tonight, however. Anger had taken residence in his chest, swallowing up every neighboring emotion, yet still hungry for more.

"Edward?" Kate's whisper was quiet, apprehensive. She reached for him just as he punched his fist into the windshield.

Bones shattered, his heart began to bleed, and any threads of consciousness Edward had slowly slipped away.

**IYoK**

1,730 miles to the east fear startled Isabella Swan awake. She sprang up in bed, shivering as the chilled air around her made acquaintance with the thin layer of cold sweat that coated her otherwise bare skin.

Fingers reached across the sheets, only to be greeted by a familiar emptiness. _He's gone_ , she thought, throwing back the covers and standing up. Shaky legs carried her to the bathroom, where she squinted against the bright light and turned on the faucet. One, two, three splashes of cold water and she still didn't recognize the reflection that stared back at her. Lights off, robe on, joint in hand, she made her way out onto the iron balcony and sank to her knees.

She knew it would only be a matter of time before the nightmares returned. Renee wouldn't be happy. Thousands of dollars wasted on months of therapy and her spoiled-rotten daughter was still nothing but one big fucked up mess.

_Sizzle. Pop. Swoosh._

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. It was a routine she was quite familiar with, just like every other aspect of her seemingly perfect, planned out existence. Two hits became four, which became eight, and soon ten. Sparks bounced off the twisted railing when she smothered her midnight treat. A flick of her fingers sent the roach flying into the rose bushes below where it would join the small collection of others, products of repeated sleepless nights.

Toes danced along the carpet as she made her way back to bed. A glance at her phone revealed nothing. She contemplated texting him, letting him know what an asshole he was and begging him to come back and stay. Her better judgment got the best of her though, and instead she crawled between the sheets and curled her knees against her chest.

It wasn't his fault she was needy, just like it wasn't her mom's fault she had a drug problem. Isabella made her own choices, knowing full well what the consequences were. Time seemed to move in a big circle these days, at the end of which Isabella always found herself alone.

Hands pulled the covers up around her chin and breath whisked over her lips and across the pillow. Eyes fluttered closed, and Isabella prepared to face her sleep-induced demons once more.


	2. The Beginning of the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. :)
> 
> Thanks for sticking around checking this out. These two mean a lot to me, and I hope that in the end they'll mean a lot to you as well.
> 
> A bit of a disclaimer before moving forward: This story will touch on sensitive subjects like drug use/abuse, self-injurious behaviors, suicide, and mental health issues. If any of these are triggers for you, please proceed with caution.
> 
> I love to hear what you think, so don't be afraid to share your thoughts. Good or bad, I appreciate them all. :)
> 
> \- N.
> 
> Characters belong to SM. Everything else belongs to me.

_One month later…_

Isabella Swan sat on the edge of her bed, head hung in her hands and the steady tempo of a nasty hangover playing behind her temples. This was not at all how she had envisioned starting her senior year.

Behind her, a sandy haired, muscular boy was beginning to stir beneath the sheets. "Where did you go?" he mumbled sleepily, reaching his arm out in search of her. She slid off the bed and stood up, massaging her forehead and swallowing back the wave of nausea that hit her.

"I need to shower. I'll wake you when I'm finished." She didn't bother giving him time to respond. Instead, she padded to the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

Isabella carefully examined her reflection in the mirror. Soft brown eyes stared back at her, still partially bloodshot from the night before. She had some dark circles to tend to, remnants of the relentless string of sleepless nights that had invaded her bed. Other than that her complexion was still perfect, and with a few well-placed smiles she could fool everyone at school into thinking she was the same girl she'd been when their junior year came to an end. All in all she was doing much better this morning than she ever expected.

Sighing with frustration, she splashed some cold water on her face. Truth be told, Isabella didn't have much to complain about, at least not on the outside. She was a beautiful girl. No, scratch that, she was stunning and she knew it. Her hair was dark brown, almost black, and fell to the middle of her back in loose waves. She had wide, chestnut colored eyes that were brimmed by long, thick lashes, and an unblemished ivory colored complexion. At 5'4" she was slender yet toned from the many hours she spent at cheerleading practice each week. Her closet was filled with designer clothing, her dresser scattered with high-end cosmetics, and her wallet contained four major credit cards with large limits, thanks to her step-dad Phil. Yes, on the outside her life screamed 'perfection'.

Inside she was fucked up beyond repair, a fact supported by multiple stints in therapy, numerous medications, and two unsuccessful suicide attempts that landed her a two-month hospital stay.

Over the years she'd learned how to construct a good front, and as a result none of her classmates had a clue as to just how big of a mess she truly was.

When she was growing up, her mother always told her "if you've got it, flaunt it," and she took that advice to heart. She, along with her two best friends, Rosalie Hale and Alice Brandon, reigned over the class of 2012 like royalty. Guys wanted to date them, girls wanted to be them, and they commanded respect and attention without having to do so much as lift a finger. If you were on Isabella and her friends' radar, you were guaranteed a spot in the right social circle at Saint Vincent's Academy. The power she had was what got her through each day.

Along with power, however, came expectations, namely that a person be thoughtful with regards to everyone around them. Not everyone in the school fancied her, but that was only expected. Isabella had developed her fair share of enemies over the years, a group consisting mostly of girls who were jealous of her in some way, whether it was of her wealth, her looks, her popularity, or her academic achievements.

While she tried not to be outwardly rude to anyone, she made sure these girls knew where their place was and who they were up against. On more than one occasion it had "slipped her mind" to send them an invitation to a special party or charity event she organized. Her classmates knew the guest lists were no accident, but nobody on the outside ever dreamed of calling her out on it. Over the years she'd developed such a good reputation in the community that it was doubtful anyone would believe her to be the perpetrator of ill actions.

She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Xanax. As she stared at her reflection in the mirror, Isabella felt what could only be described as anxiety coursing through her veins, slowly and purposefully making its way to every limb in her body. Something big was going to happen this year. She didn't know what it was or when it was coming, but she could feel it, and for some unknown reason it frightened her.

Nothing could be worse than last year, however. Isabella was sure of that.

She filled a Dixie cup and swallowed the small peach-colored pill before stepping into the shower. Isabella took her time, shampooing her hair, shaving her legs, exfoliating with her favorite sugar scrub, and conditioning, all while enjoying the feel of the hot water drumming against her body. She wrapped herself in a fluffy yellow towel and walked back into the bedroom. Mike was fully awake now, sitting on the edge of her bed tying his sneakers. She stopped in front of her walk-in closet and dropped the towel, hoping the action would take his mind off of leaving and focus it on something else.

"I have to go." She watched in the mirror as he stood and headed for her bedroom door.

 _It's always the same_ , she thought sadly.

Isabella turned and took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. "Would it kill you to stay for once?" She immediately regretted saying the words. Sticking around through all her bullshit was hard enough on him. She had no doubt he would flee if she became too needy.

Mike sighed and closed the gap between them. "It's the first day of school, Bella. My parents will kill me if I'm not home before they're up. Besides, I have to get ready too."

"I know. I'm sorry I said anything." Her fingertips danced sadly across his cheek, memorizing the paths created by a two-day-old five o'clock shadow.

Isabella and Mike Newton started dating at the beginning of their freshman year. Together, they made the perfect couple. He was the quarterback of the varsity football team, senior class president, and one of three candidates for valedictorian. She was the head cheerleader, vice president of the Saint Vincent's National Honor Society, and the daughter of a congressman and a successful Chicago lawyer. His parents owned a chain of grocery stores scattered throughout Illinois, Michigan, and Indiana, and both of his older siblings were off studying medicine at Ivy League universities.

Unfortunately Mike's parents were also overly involved in everything he did – including his relationship with Isabella. She was still shocked by the fact that they hadn't caught on to his tendency to spend multiple nights each week at her house.

Covering her hand with his, he pulled her fingers away from his face. "Emmett's at seven thirty?"

She nodded. "As far as I know."

He turned and disappeared through her bedroom door without another word. Isabella dropped to her knees and cradled her face in her hands. Hot tears dampened her skin and burned her eyes.

January marked the beginning of the slow, torturous downward spiral to what she knew would eventually be the end of her relationship with Mike. It wasn't his fault; he'd done everything he could and more for her since her father made an abrupt midnight departure from both their home and Isabella's life. He covered for her when she went on two and three day long benders with Rose, turned in her homework every time she forgot, and told the rest of their class that she was away taking care of a sick aunt when Renee finally sent her to a hospital.

He even had the highest of hopes for her when she returned to Chicago in May. Within a week, however, a grim reality started to set in. The prescription pills were gone, but the pot wasn't. The benders came to an end, but fresh cuts continued to appear on her legs, and the scars from previous ones hadn't gone away. Wild, impulsive Isabella had disappeared, only to be replaced with a depressed, fragile shell that threatened to break with the slightest pressure.

Loving her had to be the hardest thing for Mike to do.

 _If he still loves you, that is._  
  
The negative thoughts never seemed to end.

Isabella took a deep breath and got to her feet, dreading the unavoidable mixture of crowded hallways, fake smiles, and mundane classes that were about to combine to create her senior year.

An hour and fifteen minutes later she stood waiting outside Emmett McCarty's townhouse. She glanced down at her outfit, hoping it wasn't too much for their first day back. Saint Vincent's had a pretty standard dress code: navy blue skirts or pants, white button-down dress shirts, and black shoes were all they required. Isabella had opted to go for her trademark prep school sex kitten look, wearing a plaid patterned navy blue pleated mini skirt, white knee-high socks, black chunky heeled shoes, and a collared white shirt with the first three buttons undone. She'd grabbed one of Phil's navy colored ties and hung it loosely around her neck before leaving the house. Her hair hung in large curls and her eyes were lined with a smoky black shadow.

Depressed or not, she had a reputation to uphold, and Isabella wasn't about to begin her senior year with a fall from grace.

"Bella!" She looked up and saw Alice skipping towards her. Bella's heart warmed and a smile spread across her face at the sight of her best friend. She opened her arms and pulled Alice in for a tight embrace.

"God I've missed you, Ali! You look so good!" Bella stood back and took in her friend's appearance. Alice spun around playfully before giving her another hug. At the beginning of the summer, Alice's parents had decided to whisk her and her sister Bree off to Europe for three months. Bella and Rosalie were bummed at first, but Alice was so excited that it was hard for the other two girls not to share in her enthusiasm. Alice sent them post cards regularly throughout the summer, Bella made sure to send out group email threads at least once a week, and the three girls had engaged in multiple late-night Skype chats so Alice didn't feel like she was out of the loop.

 _If only Alice knew half the shit that went down this summer._ The thought made Bella wince.

"I missed you too, B! I wish you and Rose could have been there with me! We have to plan a post-graduation trip." Alice dug around in her backpack, producing a small gift bag. "I got you a few things. I know it's not much, but your dad has been overseas so many times I wasn't sure what you did and didn't have in your collection."

Bella took the bag and opened it. There was a key ring with a miniature Eiffel Tower hanging off of it and a heart-shaped charm with "I love Paris" engraved in a delicate script. There was a shot glass from London, a magnet shaped like a beer mug from Munich, and a small notebook that had maracas and sombreros on it from Madrid. Bella laughed silently at the contents, knowing full well just how much thought and detail had gone into this small but endearing gift. She reached out and hugged Alice, placing the gift inside her messenger bag.

"Thank you so much! I love all of it!" Alice looked pleased with herself.

"What's up bitches?" Rosalie Hale was known for a lot of things; being ladylike wasn't one of them. Emmett's screen door slammed shut behind her, and she stopped on the porch to light a cigarette. She took a drag and blew a long stream of smoke into the fall air, walking down the sidewalk and slinging her arm over Bella's shoulders. Rosalie placed her lit cigarette against Bella's mouth. Bella, in turn, wrapped her lips around it and took a drag herself, eliciting an eye roll from Alice.

"I really hope you two quit that disgusting habit before we graduate. I would like you both to see my children some day."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and smirked at Alice. "I'll quit smoking when you quit trying to be the Martha fucking Stewart of Saint Vincent's." Rose pulled a flyer out of her purse and shoved it in Alice's face. "A bake sale? What the fuck is this shit? Classes haven't even started yet and you're already trying to organize the masses."

Alice put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. "I despise Martha Stewart, thank you very much! And for the record, I didn't organize that bake sale. I haven't even been back in the states for two days. When would I have had time to put something like that together?" Alice grabbed the paper from Rosalie and scanned the contents.

"Alice Brandon, not only are you the queen of multitasking, but you're also the philanthropic saint of our class." Emmett joined them, slipping his arm around Rose's waist possessively. "It's only natural for your name to be the first one to come to mind in these situations."

"Thanks Emmett. Remind me never to let you touch one of my chocolate chip cookies again." Alice swatted his arm playfully and flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder, turning her attention back to Rosalie. "No hug? No 'it's so good to see you again, Alice, I missed you this summer?'"

Rosalie grinned wickedly and took a few predatory steps towards Alice before pouncing on her. She picked her up and spun her around in a ridiculous display of a hug. "Oh Alice Brandon, it's so good to have you back home. B and I just weren't the same without you." Alice stuck her tongue out at Rose playfully before giving her a sincere hug.

"I'm glad to see I made it just in time for Brandon's welcome home reception." Mike walked up behind Bella, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and resting his chin on the top of her head. She leaned back into him and tipped her face up for a kiss. Mike's lips hit hers and her body relaxed instantly. Her anxiety-laced hangover still loomed, but his mere presence was enough to put her at ease. She smiled contentedly and entwined her fingers with his.

 _And the act begins_ , she thought sadly.

"Are we going to stand here and make small talk all morning or are we gonna smoke up?" Emmett pulled two perfectly rolled joints out of his pocket and held them up for everyone to see. Bella took a few steps forward and grabbed one from him, leading Mike around the side of the house. The rest of the group followed and they perched themselves on the picnic table nestled in the very back corner of the property.

Bella lit the first joint and inhaled deeply, holding the smoke in her lungs for several moments before exhaling and passing it to Alice. A half hour later both joints were exhausted and the five friends were happily sedated.

Saint Vincent's Academy was nestled in the middle of the Lincoln Park neighborhood, just a few short blocks from Emmett's home. Bella had spent the past seven years walking the familiar route each morning with the same small group of friends. When they were younger, Emmett's mom would send them off with fresh baked cinnamon rolls or turnovers, walking them to the corner and waiting there until she couldn't see them anymore. When she'd passed away from cancer two years earlier, the group traded in pastries for pot and started their new morning tradition. Emmett's dad traveled regularly for business and wasn't usually home to keep track of what his son did in his free time.

"What homeroom are you in, Ali?" Bella swung her and Mike's linked hands in the air, hitting herself in the forehead by accident. She burst out laughing and swung her free arm over her best friend's shoulders.

"I'm in Banner's again." Alice pouted a little before smirking. "I hope he did something about that hair carpet over the summer. I mean, c'mon, if you're gonna wear a toupee, at least wear a convincing one."

Rosalie laughed. "I'm in your homeroom. We should make it our senior year mission to come up with a name for that synthetic mess Banner has." Emmett and Mike whooped with laughter.

"How did I end up by myself with Cope?" Bella pushed her bottom lip out and pouted.

"At least you're not stuck with Mason. He's hated my guts ever since the whole tee peeing incident freshman year." Emmett held the door open and the group filed inside school. The once comforting scenery now left Bella feeling discombobulated.

"Hi Bella!" Angela Weber greeted her brightly, stepping forward and giving her a small hug. Bella returned the hug, smiling warmly at Angela and reaching out to touch her friend's hair.

"You cut your hair! And colored it! It looks gorgeous!" Angela had been a brunette for as long as Bella knew her. Now, her hair was black, making her blue eyes stand out against her pale skin.

"I wanted to try something different. You know, senior year and all." Angela pulled a planner out of her bag and flipped it open. "Would you be available to meet later this week to start planning cheerleading tryouts and homecoming events? I was thinking we could get together at my place after school on Thursday? Or your place if that's easier."

"Thursday works great and I'm fine with going to your house." Bella twisted a lock of hair around her fingers, trying to concentrate on what Angela was saying despite her mind's desire to wander to every other available distraction. The warning bell rang and Angela slammed her locker.

"It was great seeing you Bella! I'm sure I'll see you in the court at lunch!"

"I'll be there!" Bella smiled once more at Angela before turning to Mike and planting a kiss on his cheek. "Text me after homeroom. And make sure that bitch Lauren knows we 'survived the summer' as she so delicately put it on Facebook last week." Bella used her fingers to make air quotes as she spoke.

"Whatever you say." Mike tipped his head down and brushed his lips against hers before giving her a quick hug and heading off down the hall. Bella said her goodbyes to the rest of her friends and trudged off towards her homeroom.

She'd hoped that arriving at school and seeing familiar faces would lessen the anxiety she'd felt since that morning, but as she drew closer and closer to room 14, Bella's stomach started to twist and her palms began sweating.

Big changes – and not necessarily good ones – were coming this year. Bella could feel it.

The question now was could she survive it?

**IYoK**

Edward Cullen stared at the ceiling above him as if it was a famous piece of art. He cocked his head to the side, tracing the swirly patterns in the paint with his eyes until he felt dizzy and had to close them. He leaned back into the plush pillows behind him and sighed with disgust.

A month ago he would have woken up in his perfectly normal bed in his perfectly normal home outside Seattle. He would have showered and gotten dressed, grabbed some Pop-Tarts, and kissed his mom goodbye before running out the door with his brother and best friend, Jasper. They would have clambered into his Jeep Wrangler and headed off to pick up Kate and Tanya, the other two pieces in the puzzle that was their life.

That was before the accident.

Now he was here, lying in an oversized bed with a pillow-top mattress and a set of sheets that probably cost as much as he'd sold the Jeep for. The scenery outside wasn't that of Bellevue, but that of Lincoln Park, an upscale part of Chicago. The 10,000 square foot monstrosity owned by his aunt and uncle was home now.

Edward hated all of it.

He rolled over and stared out the window. His room was on the second floor, adorned with a balcony that overlooked the otherwise hidden backyard. If he thought hard enough he could picture the way the yard looked every December when his family visited for Christmas. He remembered how his mother would stand in the window of the kitchen and stare out at the snow-covered expanse. Her eyes would fill with excitement as she described what her dream home looked like and how she would decorate it for the holidays.

 _Oh, Mom._ Edward couldn't stop the tear that trickled down his cheek.

Peter and Charlotte Cullen met during their freshman year at the University of Washington. They got married shortly after graduation and moved to Bellevue. Peter was a lawyer and worked at a firm in downtown Seattle. Charlotte was an elementary school teacher.

Three years into their marriage, the couple decided they wanted to start a family. After several miscarriages, Charlotte's doctor determined she was infertile and suggested she and Peter look into adoption. Ten months and a dozen meetings with lawyers later, the Cullens traveled to Boston and successfully adopted Jasper. One year after that they adopted Edward and their family was complete.

The boys were the same age and took to one another immediately. They were inseparable throughout most of their childhood and into adolescence. As they grew older, the two brothers found themselves drifting into separate social circles, but they remained close even though they didn't spend as much time together. Charlotte frequently reminded the boys of how proud she was of all they'd accomplished and what bright futures they each had. Peter could always be heard telling a colleague, friend, or relative how he and Charlotte had somehow managed to take an unpleasant situation and turn it into a picture perfect family.

Edward choked back a sob and pulled the covers up around his chin. Their picture perfect family didn't exist anymore.

July had changed everything.

The accident happened on a Saturday night. As soon as the boys were old enough to stay home on their own, Peter and Charlotte turned Saturday into their "date night," a time when they could go out and enjoy themselves without any children tagging along. That particular Saturday, Edward's parents had gone to Seattle for dinner and a theater production. They were on their way home when a drunk driver crossed the highway median, hitting their car head on. Both of them were killed instantly.

When Edward received the call requesting his presence at the medical examiner's office, he thought it was some sort of sick, twisted joke. Stories like this filled television screens and newspapers on a regular basis, but he never imagined anything of this magnitude would hit so close to home.

Peter's younger brother, Carlisle Cullen, had flown out the next morning with his wife Esme. They took care of the funeral arrangements and did the best they could to try and help Edward and Jasper through the difficult time. The day after the service, Peter's lawyer came to the house, explaining the terms laid out in the will. The couple's assets were divided evenly between Jasper and Edward, and Carlisle and Esme would get legal custody of the boys until they turned eighteen.

Two weeks later their belongings were shipped to Chicago, and the day after that they boarded a plane for their new home.

Edward sat up and hung his legs over the side of the bed. He raked his fingers through his hair and headed for the bathroom that was connected to his new bedroom. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, barely recognizing the face that looked back at him. His normally expressive jade colored eyes were flat and emotionless, with dark circles shadowing them, serving as evidence of his lack of sleep. His cheeks were sunken in and a thick layer of stubble coated his jaw and upper lip. He hadn't showered in several days, leaving his brown hair matted on the top of his head in a greasy mess.

Edward's shoulders sagged sadly as he began his morning routine. He went through the motions, brushing his teeth, taking a shower, shaving, and attempting to tame his unruly hair. He dressed himself in the clothing that Esme had taken him to get the day before. He spent his days at public school in Washington, and as a result he didn't have anything deemed "appropriate" for Saint Something-or-Other, the posh private school Carlisle and Esme choose to send him and his brother to. Edward grabbed his book bag from the nearby desk chair and headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Jasper was already seated at the breakfast bar, eating a bowl of oatmeal and downing a glass of orange juice. Their parents' death was hard on both boys, but Jasper was handling the situation with an air of grace that Edward just didn't possess.

"Good morning, Edward. Can I get you some oatmeal or maybe some fresh fruit?" Maria was Carlisle and Esme's live-in housekeeper. When he was growing up, Edward always dreamed of having a maid to make him dinner, do his laundry, and pick up after he and Jasper all but destroyed their playroom. Now that he lived in a house with one, it was just another uncomfortable thing for him to have to adjust to.

"Do you have any Pop-Tarts?"

"You're living in a house with two cardiac specialists, Edward, do you really think we'd allow Pop-Tarts to enter our kitchen?" Esme walked in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You have two teenage boys living in said house now, Esme. You might need to make some exceptions," Jasper joked. Esme crossed the kitchen and gave him a kiss on the cheek as well before addressing Maria.

"I think I'd like to start preparing breakfast from now on. That gives you some time to sleep in and enjoy your morning."

Maria stared back at her in shock. "Is something wrong, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Not at all." Esme waved her hand in the air and went to the cupboard to retrieve the canister of steel cut oats. "Edward and Jasper are going through a lot right now, more than Carlisle or myself can imagine. I just want their transition into our house to be as easy, and hopefully as normal as possible."

"Pop-Tarts are normal," Edward muttered under his breath. Esme glanced over her shoulder at him and felt a stab of guilt in her stomach. She closed the cupboard door and folded her arms over her chest.

"There's a 7-Eleven on the way to school. I can have the driver stop there for you. I'm sure they have plenty of Pop-Tarts." Edward's face relaxed and a smile threatened to lift the corners of his lips.

"What's this I hear about Pop-Tarts?" Carlisle strode into the room, buttoning the sleeves on his dress shirt. He gave Esme a tender kiss on the lips and put his arm around her shoulders.

"Edward has an unhealthy addiction to processed, packaged, sugar-infused morning pastries." Jasper stood up to rinse his bowl, but Maria grabbed it from him before he could reach the sink. Edward rolled his eyes and slipped on the leather jacked he'd been carrying.

"Fuck you, Jazz." Edward glared at his brother. Jasper punched him lightly in the arm.

"It was just a joke, man. You need to lighten up," Jasper whispered. Edward squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard, nodding at his brother. He knew Esme and Carlisle were doing the best they could under the circumstances, but he was still so angry. He and Jasper had done nothing to deserve any of this. Family or not, it wasn't anybody's place to try to step in and change who he was, and he didn't plan on letting that happen – especially when he was just six months shy of turning eighteen.

"I know this is a tough time for you, but that kind of language isn't allowed in this house." Carlisle reached across the breakfast bar and put his hand on top of Edward's. "Esme and I are more than happy to make accommodations for you and your brother, but you're both going to have to make some accommodations for us as well."

Edward kicked the toe of his combat boot against a nearby stool and looked up at Carlisle. His uncle's expression was soft and his eyes were filled with sincerity. Edward bit his bottom lip and nodded slowly, pulling his hand away from Carlisle's.

A horn honked from outside and Esme glanced at her watch. "The driver is here. Edward, take this." She rummaged through her purse and passed him a fifty-dollar bill. Edward held it in his hand and stared blankly at it. Esme reached out and closed his fingers around it, wrapping his hand up with both of hers. "That should get you enough Pop-Tarts to last for a few months."

He swallowed back a sob and placed his free hand on top of Esme's. "Thank you." Esme smiled and pulled both him and Jasper in for hugs before jogging outside to the waiting car. Carlisle did the same and walked them to the front door.

"It's going to be a late night at the hospital for both of us, but Maria will have dinner ready at six and you two are free to entertain yourselves however you'd like." Carlisle waved at the driver and gave the boys each one more hug. "Have a good first day of school. I look forward to hearing what you both think of Saint Vincent's."

"Bye Carlisle!" Jasper headed down the steps and disappeared into the back of the black Lincoln Town Car. Edward stared down at the concrete, trying to find the words to say to his uncle. When none came to him, he slumped his shoulders and trudged down the stairs, joining his brother in the back of the luxury sedan.

"Mrs. Cullen instructed me to stop at the 7-Eleven for you. Is that correct?" The driver looked at the boys in the rearview mirror. He was an older gentleman, probably in his late 40s, and he seemed friendly enough, but his blue eyes were dark, as if he was hiding something. Edward shuddered and cleared his throat.

"Skip the 7-Eleven. I'm not feeling hungry anymore."

"Very well. We should be at Saint Vincent's in about ten minutes." The driver pulled away from the curb and glanced in the rearview mirror once more. "My name is James Fisher."

Jasper twisted in the seat so he was facing his brother. "Are you alright man? You haven't been yourself since we left Seattle. I know you're upset about Mom and Dad, I am too, but you seem really shaken up."

Edward ran his fingers through his hair and looked out the heavily tinted window. Visions of his parents' lifeless bodies flashed before his eyes. Jasper would never understand what it was like to have to walk into that stuffy room and confirm that both of them were in fact dead. "I just want my life back. I want to live the way I was living _before_ the accident." He let out a long breath and looked over at his brother. "I feel like I've been picked up and transported to this parallel universe where a person's worth is no longer determined by what he does and who he is, but by what private school he attends, what designer labels he wears, and how thick his wallet is. You may be okay with all of this," he gestured around him with his hands, "but I'm not. _This_ is not me."

"I never said I was comfortable with anything, but I'm certainly grateful. Carlisle and Esme made the conscious choice not to have children, and now they got saddled with not just one, but two teenage boys." Jasper's cheeks flushed with frustration. "They're sacrificing a lot for us, Edward, even if it's only for a year. I'm upset about the accident too, but we owe it to them to have a bit of gratitude and make this as easy a transition as possible on their end too."

James brought the car to a stop just in time. Edward clambered out, slamming the door behind him and walking quickly towards the school. When he looked up, his breath caught in his throat. Saint Vincent's Academy looked more like a sprawling castle than an educational institution. The building was two stories high and speckled with dozens of windows that were framed by bright white trim. The red brick was starting to fade in some spots, leaving the school looking weathered and somewhat eerie. The front door was situated under what looked like a medieval tower, standing four stories tall and topped with a large white onion dome.

Edward's nerves were fried just looking at the place and he wasn't even inside yet. He ignored his brother's calls for him to slow down and pulled the heavy door open, finding himself in a main hallway filled with students wearing clothing similar to him. _Minus the leather, of course,_ he thought, laughing to himself. He looked to his right and headed into what appeared to be the main office.

"You must be one of the Cullen brothers." The school secretary greeted him with a stiff smile. Edward nodded, running his hands through his hair again before gripping the edge of the counter.

"I'm Edward. Edward Cullen. I need my schedule."

The secretary reached for a pile on her desk and pulled a navy blue two-pocket folder out from beneath some papers. The school's crest was embossed on the front, and Edward couldn't help but wonder how much of his tuition went towards the production of stupid propaganda like this.

"Everything you need should be in here." The woman pushed the folder out to him and steepled her fingers beneath her chin. "Your class schedule is enclosed, along with a map of the building, a copy of the Saint Vincent code of conduct, attendance policies and procedures, dress code information, and a packet of available extra curricular clubs and activities."

"Thanks," Edward mumbled. He turned around to find his brother standing behind him, winded from trying to catch up. "Good luck, Jazz." Edward pushed around Jasper and back out into the hall. He pulled his class schedule from the folder, attempting to memorize part of it so his unfamiliarity wasn't so obvious. Then again, judging by the stares he was already getting, everyone in the school would know all about his new kid status by the end of the day. His eyes fell on his first class of the day: homeroom with Mrs. Cope in room 14. _How typical,_ he thought dryly. Taking a quick glance at the map, Edward rounded a few corners and found himself standing just outside the doorway to room 14.

He took a deep breath, shoved the embarrassing blue folder into his bag, and ran a hand through his already disheveled hair one last time.

It was going to be a long day.

**IYoK**

Bella thought everyone was present by the time she arrived to homeroom, but Mrs. Cope said they were still waiting on one final student, a new boy who had just moved to town from Seattle.

She chewed on her pen anxiously, picking at her nail polish and wondering just how late this newbie planned on being. In her opinion, homeroom was the most boring waste of time ever invented by someone in the high school arena. Her parents weren't paying close to $40,000 a year for her to sit around and talk about random bullshit for the first half hour of each day, or to wait while some disrespectful clown held up the entire class.

A knock on the door interrupted Bella's thoughts. Mrs. Cope crossed the room quickly and all ten pairs of eyes followed her, eager to see who the new kid was and what he was like. When the classroom door opened, Bella felt her mouth drop and her breath catch in her throat.

He was without a doubt the most attractive guy she'd ever laid eyes on. He was tall and lean, built in an athletic way, but not riddled with muscles like Mike and Emmett. His hair was an unusual shade of brown, and was tousled and sticking out in all directions. He was following the dress code, but just barely, wearing a pair of navy blue Dickies pants with suspenders hanging off the back, black combat boots with the laces undone, and a white button-down shirt. His shirt was open just enough at the top to reveal the outline of a white wife beater and several sprigs of chest hair. He had on a leather jacket with various pins and patches affixed to the front and sleeves. He took a few steps toward Mrs. Cope, thrusting a green sheet of paper at her and looking around for a seat.

"Edward Cullen, welcome to Saint Vincent's. In the future I trust that you'll be more punctual when it comes to arriving in the morning." Mrs. Cope signed the slip of paper and handed it back to him. "Why don't you take a seat in back next to Bella and we can begin."

Bella felt like every nerve in her body was set on fire when he looked at her. Jade green eyes stared at her, penetrating every fiber of her being right down to the her very core. He continued to stare at her for a moment before hanging his head and walking toward his seat. He dropped his bag on the floor, peeled off his coat, and sat down in the uncomfortable wooden chair. Bella turned to look at him again, noticing that his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his strong, tanned forearms.

 _Don't keep staring,_ she scolded herself, tearing her eyes away from him and focusing instead on a text from Alice.

She no longer wondered what the something big that had been causing her to worry all morning was.

The answer was located mere inches away in the seat next to her.

**IYoK**

Edward couldn't figure out what was going on with his body. Sure, he'd been anxious before knocking on the classroom door, but once he laid eyes on his brunette neighbor, every wall he'd erected since leaving Seattle crashed down around his feet, turning the anxious feeling into one of complete terror.

Not wanting to look like a socially inept idiot, he made his way to his assigned seat, shrugging off his jacket and dropping it on the floor with his book bag. He slid into the chair and looked over at the beautiful girl beside him. Her eyes were glued to his forearms, and he could swear he heard her breathing hitch when he'd sat down. He lowered his eyes away from her face and allowed himself to get a good look at the rest of her. She was uniformed, just like the rest of the class, wearing a pair of knee-high white socks, black platform heels, and a plaid mini-skirt that showed the perfect amount of her long, slim legs. She had a white button-down on that was similar to his, with the first three buttons open to reveal a loosely fastened men's necktie. A Chanel bag sat on the floor beside her and her iPhone was perched on her desk.

It didn't take long for Edward to realize that she was one of _them._ The rich kids, the cool kids, the kids you'd see hanging out at pep rallies and football games and school sponsored carnivals. She probably drove around in a BMW and went on endless shopping trips with daddy's credit card. She was nothing but another pretty face in a crowd of truly ugly people.

Unfortunately for her, Edward just didn't have time for people like that.

**IYOK**

Bella's smile faltered and her heart sank when Edward looked her over and dismissed her. He didn't need to say anything; the look on his face spoke volumes. He was judging her, that was plain as day, but she couldn't imagine his reasoning. He'd only been in the school for a total of ten minutes, how could he possibly not like her already? _Probably the same way you take one look at some of the girls in this school and decide on the spot that they aren't good enough to keep company with you,_ she told herself. Bella swallowed back the nervous lump that had once again risen to her throat and turned her attention to the front of the classroom. Mrs. Cope was going over classroom expectations and attendance policies, a song and dance that Bella had spent the last twelve years listening to.

While she doodled in the margins of her new notebook, Bella stole several glances at the gorgeous boy sitting next to her. His attention never once left the front of the classroom, breaking her heart a little more. _You have a boyfriend, why are you even worrying what some scruffy looking new kid thinks of you?_ Her mind was trying very hard to reason with her body, but it just wasn't working.

A fresh wave of anxiety-induced nausea swept over Bella, and she jumped out of her chair, sprinting out of the classroom and down the hall to the restroom. As she emptied the contents of her stomach into one of the toilets, Bella knew one thing was certain:

Edward Cullen was going to be a _big_ problem throughout the course of her senior year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little FYI - this fic is kind of a crossover between Twilight and Gossip Girl. I'm not sure how many of you watch the show (it's one of my faves!), but you might be able to pick up on the intermingling of the two as we move forward.
> 
> xoxo


	3. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy September! :)
> 
> Thanks to SexyLexiCullen for giving me some much-needed help with some street slang later in this chapter. I'll give some definitions at the end.
> 
> Thanks to Chloe Masen for late-night chats, holding my hand, and always kicking my ass when I'm ready to give up. I love you like you wouldn't believe.
> 
> And thanks to everyone who is here reading, who has rec'd, reviewed, or stopped by.
> 
> Reviews are like limousine prostate exams and Eric Packer hotel fucks, so please don't be shy. :)
> 
> Chapter Song: Creep by Radiohead
> 
> \- N.
> 
> Characters belong to SM. Everything else belongs to me.

Whispers.

Everywhere he went Jasper was greeted with whispers.

 _The perks of being one of the new kids,_ he thought bitterly.

Jasper wasn't looking forward to seeing Edward in chemistry lab. After the way his brother had brushed him off and basically run away from him this morning, Jasper just wanted to avoid him until they were back home where they could talk privately.

He took a deep breath and pulled the heavy door open, walking into the classroom and glancing around. A sigh of relief escaped him when he realized Edward wasn't there yet. He had Mr. Molina sign the sheet of paper the office had given him and took his assigned seat at the back of the room. His lab partner was already there, measuring liquids into various beakers and reading a set of detailed lab instructions.

"Hi!" She chirped when he sat down. "I'm Alice Brandon. You must be Jasper Cullen?"

Jasper smiled and nodded his head. Alice was beautiful. Long, wavy brown hair framed her face and fell just past her shoulders, while big, expressive hazel eyes sparkled with an immeasurable amount of excitement. Short and thin, Jasper guessed she was the type of girl who could light up an entire town with just one smile.

"Making new friends, Ali?" A leggy blonde dropped her bag on the floor next to the table in front of them and sat down. She looked Jasper up and down, clearly appraising him, before turning to face her friend.

"Jasper Cullen, meet Rosalie Hale, Saint Vincent's very own mean girl." Alice smirked as Rosalie reached out and swatted at her arm.

"For the record, I'm only _mean_ to those who deserve it." Rosalie flipped her hair over her shoulder and studied her nails.

"Which is approximately seventy-five perfect of the student body if my calculations are correct." Alice giggled and stuck her tongue out at Rosalie.

"Better a mean girl than a Martha." A tall, muscular guy with dark hair and clear blue eyes parked himself in the chair next to Rosalie. He reached out and gave Jasper a firm handshake. "Emmett McCarty."

"Jasper Cullen." Mr. Molina was about to close the classroom door when another pretty brunette girl walked in. She took a seat at the table across the aisle and waved at Alice and Rosalie.

"That's Bella Swan," Alice explained.

"I'm not expected to remember all these names am I?" Jasper joked.

"In the first five minutes? No. By the end of the week? Absolutely." Alice winked and turned her attention to the front of the room where Mr. Molina was calling the class to order and taking roll.

"Ms. Swan, it appears your new lab partner doesn't understand the concept of punctuality, so you'll have to get started on your own this morning." Bella rolled her eyes and let out a disgusted sigh. Jasper knew his brother was the missing lab partner, given there was only one empty seat remaining in the room. Mr. Molina went through the lab instructions with them and had the class get started.

"You moved here from Washington, right?" Alice was busy heating a combination of powder and liquid chemicals over the Bunsen burner. Jasper was reading the instructions to her and taking notes in the appropriate sections of their lab notebook.

"News travels fast around here I see."

Alice looked up at him and smiled. "My mom works on the same floor of the hospital as Esme. News does travel fast among the doctors."

The classroom door flung open and a disheveled looking Edward stepped inside. He trudged up to Mr. Molina's desk and set down a piece of paper. The teacher's eyes moved from the piece of paper to Edward's face to the clock and back to the piece of paper.

"Mr. Cullen, how kind of you to join us." Mr. Molina scrawled his signature on the paper and stood up, walking around to the front of the desk and crossing his arms over his chest. He looked up at Edward over the top of his glasses and frowned. "Your teachers in Seattle may have tolerated tardiness, but here at Saint Vincent's we don't. If you're late again I'll assign you a week of detention. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir." Edward mumbled, taking the paper and stuffing it in his bag.

"Please take a seat at the back next to Isabella. She will be your lab partner for the remainder of the semester." Edward hoisted his bag up on his shoulder and looked around the room. His eyes narrowed and he scowled when he realized who was already seated at his lab station. Bella blushed and shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"Who is _that_?" Rosalie whispered as Edward walked by. Her expression was a mixture of disgust and surprise, and Jasper suddenly felt bad for his brother. He knew without having to ask that Edward had just been cast into the group of students Rosalie put her "mean girl" attitude on for.

"That's Jasper's brother," Alice said matter-of-factly. Emmett turned around and looked at Jasper.

" _That's_ your brother? You two don't even look related." Emmett glanced over at Edward. "He's so-"

"Grungy." Rosalie said, finishing Emmett's sentence. Emmett laughed and nodded in agreement.

"We definitely won't be seeing him in the court after class I'm guessing."

"What's the court?" Jasper inquired. He'd heard it mentioned in one of his other classes, but hadn't taken the time to ask about it.

"The courtyard behind the school," Rosalie explained. "It's where everyone eats lunch."

"Everyone who Rose doesn't chase away, that is," Alice quipped. Rosalie reached over to swat her again but stopped when she noticed the stern look Mr. Molina was directing at her. She turned around and resumed her lab work, whispering something in Emmett's ear that made him look over his shoulder at Edward and laugh.

Jasper scrawled a few final notes in the lab notebook and helped Alice clean up the supplies from their experiment. He couldn't help but glance in his brother's direction after he took a seat. Bella was sitting at the far side of the lab table, putting as much distance between her and Edward as was possible given the small space. She was trying to maintain the chemical mixture in front of her while furiously writing notes in the lab notebook. Her expression consisted of a healthy dose of anger mixed with a small dash of embarrassment. Edward, in the meantime, was spinning his pen around on his fingers and starring at the oversized poster of the Periodic Table of Elements in boredom.

"Poor Swan. She's doing all the work _and_ her lab partner is a social leper." Rosalie shook her head in disgust and clicked her tongue. Emmett got a wicked smile on his face and stood up. He walked over to Bella's lab table and pulled up a stool, taking a seat right between her and Edward.

"I don't think we've met yet." Jasper heard Emmett say. Edward stopped spinning the pen and fixed Emmett with a glare. The big boy draped his arm over Edward's shoulders and smirked. "Do you have a name? Do you even speak? I think they might have special education classes to help you with that."

Rosalie and Bella snickered. Edward shrugged Emmett's arm off and stood up. "If I wanted you to know my name I would have told you. Thanks for attempting to insult me, however. It only serves as proof that jocks' IQs are rarely higher than the number on their jersey."

Emmett stood up and took two steps towards Edward, pushing him backwards into Jasper's lab table. Edward jumped up, immediately pulling his fist back, but Mr. Molina stepped between the two boys before things got out of control.

"That's enough!" Mr. Molina gave Emmett a disapproving look and pointed to the door. "Take your things and go to Principle Varner's office right now!"

"But Mr. Molina-" Emmett started to protest.

"No buts, Mr. McCarty. I've spent the past seven years watching you and your friends here," the teacher said, gesturing towards Alice and Rosalie, "torment other students for no good reason. You're damn near adults now, the real world is knocking, and I will not turn my cheek and let you get away with it this year. Now, if you don't get down to Principle Varner's office _immediately_ , I will see to it that you spend your first week of school in detention and not at football practice."

Emmett grabbed his bag angrily and headed for the door, deliberately bumping into Edward with his shoulder on the way out. Mr. Molina took his seat and looked around the room.

"Get back to work," he barked out, returning to the newspaper that was spread out over his desk.

Alice leaned towards Jasper. "Do you want to join us for lunch?"

He looked over at his brother and shook his head. "I should probably make sure Edward is-" Edward stood up and stormed out of the chemistry lab before Jasper could finish his sentence.

"He probably just wants to be alone right now."

Jasper looked over at the beautiful girl beside him. Lunch with Alice or arguing with Edward; this was a no-brainer. _She's probably right anyhow_ , he thought to himself. Edward hadn't wanted to talk this morning, and chances were he wouldn't want to talk after class either. "Sure, I'd love to have lunch with you."

The bell rang, signaling the end of the period. Japer gathered his things and followed Alice and Rosalie outside. Bella and some blonde haired guy he didn't recognized joined them a minute later.

Jasper's eyes scanned the court, searching for his brother. He found Edward staring at him from one of the second story classroom windows. Jasper gave him a smile and a small wave of acknowledgment, but Edward only shook his head in disgust and turned away.

"So, Jasper, tell us about Seattle." Alice's singsong voice drew his attention back to the table.

Maybe him and Edward having a break from one another was a good thing.

Maybe he was meant to lose everything and have to start over.

Maybe Alice would end up being the silver lining in a year that had started out rather hellishly.

Maybe moving to Chicago wasn't such a bad thing after all.

**IYoK**

Lunch in the court had always been Bella's favorite time of day. She loved being afforded an entire hour to enjoy the fresh air and the company of her good friends. Up until now, it never bothered her that the court was a place where only a select group of students spent their time.

Bella's eyes followed Jasper's to the window above the lunchroom. What she saw there broke her heart. Edward was standing in the window with one hand and his forehead pressed against the glass. He was staring intently at the group around her, and his expression was one of sadness and contempt. Bella _never_ felt bad about excluding anyone from lunch before, but for some reason, she wished she'd at least extended an invitation to the other Cullen. Of course he probably would have declined in a not-so-friendly fashion, given how avoidant he'd been with her all morning.

Out of the corner of her eye, Bella saw Jasper give Edward a small wave. Edward did nothing but shake his head and disappear from the window.

"What the fuck is your brother's problem?" Emmett slammed his bag down on the ground and dropped into the chair next to Rose. "He's lucky Molina was there or I would have punched his pretty boy face."

Mike was clearly confused. "Who is your brother? More importantly, who are _you_?"

Jasper reached his hand out and Mike shook it cautiously. "Jasper Cullen, resident new guy."

"Mike Newton. I'm guessing Edward Cullen is your mystery sibling?"

"Mystery sibling and total fucking douche!" Emmett banged his fist against the table, causing the girls to jump. "I swear if he gets in my face like that again, I'm kicking his ass."

"How did you know who his brother was?" Bella asked curiously. Mike wrapped his arm around her shoulders and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Half the class is talking about his stunt in chemistry. He's the first NB to get away with fucking with Emmett in public like that."

Jasper furrowed his brow in confusion. "What's a NB?"

"A _nobody_ ," Rosalie said, emphasizing the word. Jasper winced. "If he adjusted his attitude and put on some decent clothes he might not fall into that category. Unfortunately there's no place for someone like him in our crowd."

"He's not normally like this," Jasper explained in his brother's defense. "We just lost our parents in a car accident a week ago, so his head isn't exactly in a good place right now."

Alice's hand flew over her mouth. "Oh my God, that's terrible! I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," Jasper mumbled. Bella gave him a sympathetic smile, but Emmett and Rosalie's expressions didn't change.

"Speaking of your brother…" Mike's eyes were fixed on something over Jasper's shoulder. Jasper turned around and saw Edward stalking across the courtyard towards them.

"What the fuck…" Emmett started to stand but Rosalie put a hand on his forearm and gave him a stern look. He sank back down into his chair and clenched his fists in his lap.

Edward stopped a few feet away from them.

"Hi, Edward!" Alice smiled brightly and greeted him. Jasper let out a sigh of relief. At least _someone_ was making an effort to be nice. "Would you like to join us? We can get another chair for you."

Edward shook his head. "Thanks but no thanks. I just wanted to have a word with my brother."

"What's the matter? Are we not good enough for you to eat with, NB?" Emmett sneered. Mike laughed and reached across the table, pounding his fist against Emmett's. Rosalie smirked.

"No, I just don't think I could keep my food down if I had to look at that dog you call your girlfriend for an entire hour." This time it was Rose who stood instead of Emmett.

"Let's get something straight here, Cullen." She poked her finger into his chest and narrowed her eyes. "Saint Vincent's isn't like other schools. I'm not sure what you're accustomed to, but around here we," Rosalie made a sweeping gesture to the group behind her, "decide who and what is in or out. Insulting my boyfriend's intelligence and calling me a 'dog' are not roads to take if you want to be in. Now, I suggest you find somewhere else to spend your lunch hour, because the court is not open to you."

Edward looked around the group in front of him, feeling disgusted and embarrassed. Bella immediately averted her eyes when his settled on her. All morning he'd held out hope that she might be different from the rest of her friends. From the looks of it, the only one who was remotely decent was Alice, and Edward still wouldn't put it past her to succumb to the others' childish games.

"I really don't care who you think you are around here, Rosalie, but if I want to eat in the court, or do cartwheels across the court, or let some prep school slut suck my cock in the court, I will." Edward hoisted his bag up on his shoulder and gave everyone an artificial smile. He was well aware of the other students watching them and that only fueled the rage he felt. Jasper started to say something, but Edward cut him off. "Have a nice lunch with your fellow lemmings."

Jasper's shoulders sagged and the color drained from his face as he watched his brother yank the door to the school open and slam it shut behind him. He grabbed his backpack, prepared to go after Edward this time, but Rosalie tugged on his sleeve and fixed him with what he guessed was her trademark glare.

"If you want plan on joining us for lunch again tomorrow, I suggest you let your brother go sulk by himself."

"Rose, hon-" Alice tried to intervene.

Rosalie shook her head and held her hand up, signaling for Alice to stop talking. "No, Alice. Jasper has a choice to make." Rosalie smiled sweetly and crossed her arms over her chest. "What's it going to be? In or out?"

Jasper's chest tightened and a ripple of panic passed through him. He knew he should go after Edward and let him know that regardless of what others thought about him, he was his brother and he'd always be on his side. At the same time, it was his senior year and he didn't want to spend it as an outcast, especially not in a school as small and intimate as this one. His desire for acceptance won, and Jasper sunk back into his spot next to Alice.

"Good choice." Rosalie smiled – a genuine smile this time - and cracked open her can of Diet Coke.

 _I am so totally fucked_ , Jasper thought to himself.

Acceptance came with a price, this Jasper knew.

He just never thought his relationship with his brother would become the currency.

**IYoK**

Edward slammed his locker shut and punched his fist against the wall. Pain radiated through his knuckles and wrist immediately, and he cringed, muttering out a string of profanities.

"Are you okay?" Edward felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around and was met by a pair of warm chocolate eyes. The hallway was deserted except for the two of them, and for some reason this pissed Edward off even more.

"Do you really care?" He shot back. Bella's jaw dropped and she took a few steps away from him. Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Would I ask you if I didn't?"

"Oh, please." Edward grabbed his bag and began a slow backwards saunter down the hall. "Ask me in front of the rest of your stand up group of friends and then I might start to believe you."

He pivoted and pushed the heavy main door open, leaving Bella and the uppity school behind him. Green eyes scanned the street in front of the school, and Edward immediately spotted the familiar Lincoln parked next to the curb.

Approaching James, he nodded a greeting. "Can you take me to the Metra station?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen instructed me to take you and Jasper wherever you needed to go. Riding the train is unnecessary."

"I appreciate that, but I want to take the train."

"Are you sure? It's my job-"

"I said I _want_ to take the fucking train, James." Edward slipped in the car and slammed the door before the older man had a chance to respond.

A welcome silence filled the air, and ten minutes later Edward exited the car without saying a word. As luck would have it, a southbound train had just arrived, and he scooted on, taking a seat and pulling out his wallet and cell phone.

Three missed calls, two text messages, and a new Facebook notification greeted him when he unlocked the screen. All the calls were from his brother, as were the texts, but the Facebook alert was from Alice.

_**Alice Brandon has requested to be your friend on Facebook.** _

Edward narrowed his eyes and chewed absentmindedly on his lower lip. So Alice Brandon wanted to be his "friend" now? Being friends on a social network meant nothing to him, but it was a nice gesture no matter how small. He accepted the request and opened a blank text.

_**Coming downtown. Where can you meet me? – E** _

He added Tyler Crowley's contact information to the recipient field and sent the message off.

Tyler – or 'T-Crow,' as his friends called him – had gone to high school with Edward. Tyler was two years older than him, and had left Seattle a few years back to attend the University of Chicago. The boys had never been close, but Tyler's dad was a pharmacist, and needless to say he could get his hands on an endless supply of prescription goodies, which was exactly what Edward needed.

"Ticket?"

_Ah, shit._

"I don't have one," Edward mumbled.

"That's fine, son, you can buy one from me. It's two dollars and seventy-five cents for a one-way trip." The ticket collector tore a ticket off the pad he carried and punched a hole in it.

Edward pulled the fifty Esme had given him earlier from his pocket and handed it to the man. "This is all I have."

The ticket collector smiled, pulling a wad of cash from his pocket and counting out change. "Here you go young man." He pressed the bills and the ticket into Edward's open palm. "Have a nice ride."

A buzz and a lit screen created a distraction.

_**Millers Pub in 45? Name your poison and how much you need. – TC** _

Edward sat on the question for a few minutes before replying.

_**Anything that will wash away reality… - E** _

_**20 Happy Pills and five Sticks should do it. $200 for all. In? – TC** _

Edward pulled his wallet out and flipped through the contents. He had three hundred dollars in cash on him in addition to what Esme had given him that morning. Somewhere deep inside, he felt a small pang of guilt. The money was from his college fund – his _and_ Jasper's college fund – which neither his aunt nor his uncle knew he could access. His brother would probably kill him if he knew what Edward was using the money for, but when all was said and done, he just didn't care. Their trust funds alone contained more than enough to fund any higher education the boys chose to pursue.

_**In. What's the address? – E** _

_**134 S Wabash Ave. – TC** _

He tucked his wallet and phone back in his bag and turned his attention to the scenery outside.

Nine months and he was out of here.

Nine months and he was free from the shackles of Saint Vincent's and Chicago and his aunt and uncle.

Nine months and he could say, "fuck you" to everyone and everything around him.

Nine fucking months.

Edward couldn't wait.

**IYoK**

Bella knew Mike was waiting for her, but she didn't care. She watched the door slam shut behind Edward and sank to her knees, covering her face with her hands and allowing the tears that lingered behind her eyelids all day to finally fall free.

This was the second time her emotions had rendered her helpless like this, and it was only the first day of classes. At this rate she wasn't sure she'd make it through her senior year without a life vest and a few paddles.

"Are you okay, dear?" Bella's head snapped up and she found herself staring into Mrs. Cope's concerned eyes. Her legs somehow managed to straighten themselves, and Bella stood, wiping her tears away and brushing her hair behind her ears.

"I'm fine, thanks," she said quickly. "I thought I lost my iPod and overreacted."

Mrs. Cope bent down and picked up Bella's bag, holding it out and giving her a sad smile. "Your mother told me what happened last spring, Bella. If you ever need someone to talk to, please know my door is always open."

 _Of course she told her,_ Bella thought angrily. _When has Renee ever been able to keep her mouth shut?_

"Thanks." Bella grabbed her bag and took off down the hall, making it a point not to meet her teacher's stare. Warm fall air greeted her outside, chilling the areas of her face that were still splattered with tears. She glanced around and, seeing no sign of her boyfriend, thought it safe to start her walk home.

Contrary to what she told Mrs. Cope, Bella's iPod was not lost. Popping her ear buds in place, she turned on her favorite Katy Perry tune and set off for her house. Phil was coming home from his two month long stint overseas tonight, which meant Renee would inevitably return from her stay at their Michigan Avenue condo as well.

When her mother re-married a mere two months after her divorce from Charlie was finalized, Bella promised herself she would try to do the right thing and respect her stepfather. It was no secret that Renee had been unfaithful to Charlie, and Phil was the illusive other man who had somehow managed to win her heart. He was part owner of the Chicago Cubs and the CEO of a major design firm. As if good looks and charm weren't more than enough, Phil also came with a big bank account and a whole network of high-profile Chicago friends. Bella assumed this was where his allure came from.

Her respect vanished when Phil tried to sexually assault her. She cringed as her vision became clouded with images from that night…

_Fucking suits always had to have their fundraisers on a boat._

_Bella leaned against Rosalie and tipped her head back. Strands of hair whipped against her cheeks, and she unleashed a ridiculous giggle. Two weeks back in Chicago and already she'd relapsed. Fortunately it was just a bit of green, and to her this was no big deal. If it weren't for the sticky, sweet herb she wouldn't have made it on the boat. Nothing was more anxiety provoking than having to put on a happy face for a crowd of people who she knew could give two shits less about her or anyone else in the room._

" _Get off me, bitch," Rosalie laughed, shoving Bella with her elbow and pushing herself off the railing. "I'm going to get another drink."_

" _Bring one back for me?"_

" _She doesn't need a drink, Rosalie." Phil's baritone voice startled both girls._

" _You just left sobriety camp, loser," Rosalie whispered. "Come find me when you can break free from the step monster."_

" _Don't you dare leave," Bella hissed, but Rose was already stalking off in the direction of the open bar._

" _Are you enjoying the party, Bella? It must be a nice way to celebrate your homecoming."_

" _This isn't my homecoming party, Phil, but yes, it is nice." She turned around and faced him. "Where's Renee?"_

" _Your mother? She's talking to the Yorkies." Phil looked around and, realizing the deck was empty, took several steps toward her, closing the gap between them. "You look beautiful tonight."_

_Stomach churning, Bella tried to back up, but was greeted by the cold, hard feeling of the boat's railing. "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."_

_Phil chuckled. "Why hide the truth?" His fingertips traced the shell of her ear, hiding soft brown hair behind it. "You have your mother's eyes, you know."_

_She looked over her shoulder._ God damnit Rosalie, where the fuck are you?

" _Nobody can see us." Phil lowered his head until his mouth was just inches from her ear. "I've never met anyone as beautiful as you, Bella – not even your mother."_

_Tears welled up in her eyes and fear beat frantically in her chest. A strong hand clamped down on her bare shoulder, and Bella was about to let out a piercing scream when she heard the sound of heavy heels meeting wood._

" _What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Rosalie wedged herself between them and shoved Phil backwards. He grabbed the railing to stop himself from falling._

" _Don't you ever-" Skin met skin with a sharp THWAP! as Rosalie's palm collided with Phil's cheek._

" _Don't_ you _ever touch her again." Rosalie's hand found Bella's and she laced their fingers together, pulling her best friend to the restroom._

" _Thank you," Bella whispered. Chunky tears rolled down her cheeks, washing away the final remnants of her high and the happy feeling she'd felt before._

" _That son-of-a-bitch is lucky I didn't push his ass off this fucking boat!" Rose grabbed Bella's shoulders and looked her in the eye. "Are you okay? Should I go get Renee?"_

" _No!" Bella wiped her tears away and took a deep breath. "That will only create a scene, and since I just got back, I don't want to do that."_

" _He was making a pass at you, B. You have every right to create a scene!"_

_Bella leaned her forehead against her best friend's. "We're in the middle of Lake Michigan, on a boat with fifty millionaires and their bubbleheaded dates. Nobody is going to bat an eye at this, and I would rather not make anymore of a name for myself than I already have since Charlie left."_

_Rose's expression softened and she pressed her lips against Bella's forehead. "I think I have another joint in my purse. Wanna toke?"_

_Bella nodded appreciatively. "Absolutely."_

Two weeks after the fundraiser, Bella tried to talk to Renee about what had happened. Her mother was appalled; not by Phil's behavior, but by the fact that Bella would say such a thing. Rose encouraged her to call Charlie, but Bella chose not to. When he left months earlier, her father made it clear that he was not just giving up on his marriage, but on his relationship with his daughter as well.

Rose was the only person who knew about that night, and Bella planned on keeping it that way. In her circle, a person's pain became quick gossip, which spread like wildfire and morphed into a weapon that would inevitably end up being used in a near-deadly fashion.

Bella pulled her ear buds out and eased open her front door. "Hello?" Her response was met with silence, and for the first time in weeks it didn't bother her. She took the stairs two at a time and latched her bedroom door behind her.

Once her bag was stowed and she'd ridded herself of her ridiculous heels, Bella pulled a folded up piece of loose-leaf paper from her back pocket and sat down at her desk. Tired eyes roamed over the mess before settling on a familiar zebra-print notebook. Shaky fingers flipped it open and copied the list from her pocket.

_ Tuesday 9/6/11 _

_FF Greek Yog – 100_

_1x String Cheese – 80_

_4x Celery Stalk – 22_

202 calories. That meant she still had 198 to use for the remainder of the day. Bella tossed her notebook back in the pile atop her desk and used her foot to scoot her scale out from its hiding place.

Before her mother shipped her off to Arizona, Bella was weighing herself twice, sometimes three times each day. The goal was to keep her weight below 100, and for the later half of her sophomore year and the beginning part of her junior one, she managed to stay at exactly 98 pounds.

January changed that though, just like it changed every other aspect of her life. As the days passed by the numbers on the scale continued to drop, and when she tried to end everything in March, she was down to 88.

If Bella didn't resent Renee before Remuda, she definitely did after. Sure, she'd gone along with the program, put on the necessary amount of weight, and even pretended not to care about things like calories, carbs, or fat grams. She told the therapists what they wanted to hear, even though most of the words meant nothing to her, and played the role of the good daughter both times that Renee came out to visit. Somehow she also managed to stay sober, passing all the random UAs that were tossed at her, and when all was said and done, Bella successfully completed the ten-week residential program with flying colors.

Yes, she'd laid a few of her demons to rest, but her weight was still the first thing Bella thought of every morning and the last thing on her mind when she went to bed at night. As far as she was concerned, this was yet another thing she could thank her mother for…

_Pink bows; those were the one and only request Bella had when it came to her outfit for Angela Weber's 10_ _th_ _birthday party._

_Her mother went over-the-top, as usual, and outfitted her not only with pink bows, but a brand new pink dress and sparkly pink Mary Janes._

" _All set," Renee said, tightening one of Bella's pigtails and patting her head. She smiled up at her mother, slipping her favorite tube of watermelon Lip Smacker and a pack of Bubble Yum in her hot pink miniature purse._

" _There's my beautiful girl!" Bella's face lit up when she saw her father standing at the bottom of the stairs. She ran down the steps and into his open arms, smiling against his chest as he picked her up and spun her around. The road to Washington was long and hard, and Charlie's Senatorial campaign kept him on the road._

_Bella leaned back and pinched her dad's nose. "Guess what?"_

" _What?"_

" _I'm giving Angela an Easy Bake Oven for her birthday! We're going to make cookies and cakes and later on her mom is taking us all out for root beer floats!"_

_The corners of her father's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "That sounds like quite the party! What else are you going to do?"_

" _Alice is bringing her new nail polish over, and Rosalie promised to braid everyone's hair! Mom even said I could put glitter hairspray in mine if I wanted!"_

" _No ponies this year?"_

_Bella scrunched her nose up in disgust. "No way! Ponies were last year, dad!"_

" _Root beer floats sound way better than ponies anyway." He chuckled, setting Bella back on her feet and tugging playfully on her pigtails. "Have fun tonight, Izzy!"_

" _Will you be here when I get home?"_

_Charlie ran a hand through his hair and shook his head sadly. "I have to go to Florida tomorrow, baby girl."_

_Her shoulders slumped, but she smiled anyway. "Bring me something special?"_

" _I always do." He picked her up once more, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I love you, Iz."_

" _I love you too, Dad."_

_She grabbed her backpack from the foyer and ran out the front door. Her mother followed close behind, chasing her into the yard._

" _Bella!" Renee grabbed Bella's shoulder and spun her around gently, kneeling on the grass and looking her in the eye. "Only one piece of cake and absolutely no root beer floats! Nobody likes a chubby girl. Don't forget that."_

Bella had a root beer float that night – in fact, she treated herself to not one, but three. Her mother's words stayed with her though, and by the time she reached middle school, calorie counting, binging, and purging were regular activities for her.

She sighed and stepped on the scale. 103 today. With any luck she'd be back under 100 by the end of next week.

Kicking the scale back under her desk, Bella flipped her laptop open and logged in to Facebook. She scrolled through her news feed, stopping when Alice's most recent event popped up:

_Alice Brandon is now friends with Edward Cullen._

Bella read the sentence one, two, three times just to make sure she saw it clearly. Alice and Edward were Facebook friends? She guessed it made _some_ sense, being Edward was Jasper's brother, and Alice was clearly crushing on Jasper.

Her eyes moved to the comments below:

 **Rosalie Hale:** Taking on charity cases are you now, Brandon?

 **Alice Brandon:** Actually, it's called being friendly. You should try it sometime. :-p

 **Rosalie Hale:** Pssh. Like I have time to be friendly to every combat boot clad reject that crosses my path.

 **Edward Cullen:** And I don't keep company with arrogant trash. I guess we're good then, no?

 **Emmett McCarty:** Watch your fucking mouth, Cullen….

 **Jasper Cullen:** …

Bella bit her lip and frowned. She thought about writing something in Edward's defense, but decided against it, opting to go for an afternoon run instead.

Her plan was to let go of all her thoughts and get lost in the steady rhythm of her shoes meeting the pavement. It didn't work that way, however, and Edward's agonized expression kept popping up in her mind.

It never failed; there was always one person who Rosalie targeted every year. It typically took her a few weeks to set her sights on the unlucky soul, but when she did, it all went down hill from there. In addition to her bold verbal attacks, Bella's best friend was very well versed in the art of high school guerilla warfare; spreading rumors, perpetuating gossip, and ultimately stripping a person bare of everything and everyone close to them.

From the looks of it, Edward was this year's victim.

Bella slowed to a walk when she rounded the corner. Renee's Lexus SUV was now parked in the driveway, and a Town Car had just pulled up on the curb. Phil emerged from the backseat, and a wave of nausea overcame her.

Deep breaths did nothing to calm her nerves. Heart pounding and fingers trembling, Bella moved forward on shaky legs.

Renee turned and gave her a fake smile.

Phil looked over his shoulder and flashed a smile too.

Following the two people she despised most in her life up the driveway, Bella tried to think of where she could go for the evening.

Alice's door was always open.

Mike's parents would be more than happy to see her.

Even Emmett would probably let her crash on his sofa if the overwhelming suffocation of being at home became too much.

Contemplating all the way up to her room, she made a decision when she reached the top step; Alice's house it was.

Shoving clothes and makeup into an overnight bag, Bella wondered if she should even bother telling Renee where she was going. On a whim she decided against it. Her mother could worry for a while, if she even realized Bella was gone.

She tip toed downstairs and slinked out the front door. Slipping her ear buds in once more, Bella began the mile-long walk to her best friend's house.

Tears threatened to break free once more, but this time Bella refused to let them.

Senior year was supposed to be something wonderful.

For Bella, senior year was just the final step before she could escape.

**IYoK**

Long, slender fingers slipped the chalky white tablet over chapped lips and onto Edward's waiting tongue. He tipped back the bottle of water in his hand and swallowed the 10mg distraction. Pill number two went down seconds later, and when he laid his head on the pillows behind him, Edward could already feel the stress of his day beginning to melt away.

He closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the wave of numbness that was quickly engulfing him.

The drugs began tugging on his consciousness, and even though he wanted to enjoy an hour or two of the disconnected feeling, he quickly gave in and allowed them to pull him under.

Chocolate eyes were the last thing Edward saw before his mind went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little terminology here:
> 
> Happy Pills = Oxycodone
> 
> Sticks = 2mg Xanax
> 
> Come play on Facebook with me - facebook.com/blueeyedcherry. I have a group I've made for my writing there, so just shoot me a message if you'd like to join. There's some wonderful ladies in there and we love new faces!
> 
> Come play on Twitter too - twitter.com/rpexaminer.
> 
> Until next time...


	4. Temporary Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings from my cocoon!
> 
> I completely spaced on updating this in October. SO, going forward, this story will update on the first of every month. It's the best I can do right now with my other WIP and RL demands.
> 
> I reviewed and revised this in between being passed out with fever, so if something seems completely out of whack I apologize. The only good thing about being ill is having extra time to write, and even that is hard for me to get motivated to do whilst down and out.
> 
> Meet me at the end?
> 
> Chapter Song: Numbers by Great Northern
> 
> \- N.
> 
> Characters belong to SM. The twisted tale of these kids belongs to me.

By the end of the week, Edward was planning his return to Seattle. He didn't care if he had to couch hop for the remainder of his senior year; anything would be better than enduring the hellish nightmare that was Saint Vincent's.

The fact that his brother had assumed a full-time position in Rosalie "Cunt-of-the-Century" Hale's following didn't make him feel any better about his new life in the Midwest. Despite their differences, Edward grew up knowing he could count on Jasper to be there for him when things got bad. _Clearly I was wrong about that,_ he thought bitterly. The moment they left Washington, things went from bad to worse, and now when Edward needed him the most his brother was nowhere to be found.

"Edward?" Esme knocked twice and inched the bedroom door open, poking her head around the corner. "You're going to be late if you don't get ready."

"Alright," he mumbled, pushing the covers back and sitting up. Esme looked like she wanted to say something, but she just shook her head and smiled sadly, closing the door and giving Edward his privacy.

He stood up and rubbed his eyes in an attempt to rid them of the exhaustion they carried. He hadn't gotten a good night of sleep since the accident. Every time he closed his eyes, all Edward could think about was shattering glass, screeching tires, flesh being punctured, and bones breaking. It was like his mind was out to torture him, taking him on a surreal, fucked up journey into the depths of his parents' deaths.

Carlisle would want him to go to therapy soon. In all honesty, Edward was surprised that neither him nor Esme had suggested it yet. _Maybe they're hoping you'll start to cheer up after a few weeks,_ a tiny voice in his head whispered.

If that were the case, his aunt and uncle would be waiting forever.

He walked into his bathroom and locked the door behind him. Bending down, he opened the cabinet beneath the sink and let his hands guide him, producing a near-empty liter of vodka seconds later. He sunk to the floor and unscrewed the cap, lifting the bottle to his lips and letting the clear liquid burn a trail from the tip of his tongue to his stomach. Closing his eyes and tipping his head back, Edward fought off the nausea that threatened to surface every time he drank without eating first. He took another large swig before capping the bottle and putting it back in its place.

Despite what his classmates and teachers back home thought, Edward had never been much of a drinker. His outward appearance fit the bill of the "bad boy," that much was true, but he never cared to regularly indulge in mind-altering substances.

One week in Chicago changed that part of him too.

He stood and peeled off his pajamas, turning on the shower and stepping beneath the hot steam of water. The effect of the alcohol was starting to kick in, and soon enough he'd be so numb it wouldn't matter what anyone said or did to him.

Not that it mattered anyway; he'd been stamped with an unfavorable label and dismissed within hours of starting the school year.

He made sure to brush the scent of the alcohol away and decided to forego shaving. After he was dressed, Edward headed downstairs for yet another awkward breakfast with his aunt and uncle.

"Good Morning, Edward. Would you like some coffee?" Maria reached for the cabinet that held the mugs, but Edward held out his hand to stop her.

"No thanks, Maria, I'm good." He padded across the floor and dropped down onto one of the stools that lined the breakfast bar. A bowl of yogurt topped with granola and a tall glass of orange juice were already set out for him. Edward grabbed the spoon and mixed the yogurt up, taking a bite and feigning enthusiasm over the sad excuse for breakfast.

"Where's Jasper?" he mumbled. Maria looked over and furrowed her brow.

"What was that?"

"Where's Jasper?" Edward asked, raising his voice a few notches.

"He left about twenty minutes before you came down."

Edward felt his stomach twist in knots and he pushed his barely eaten bowl of yogurt across the counter. "I'm not very hungry. I think I'm going to go." He reached down and grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder.

"Have some juice at least?" Maria picked the glass up and handed it to him. Edward stared at if or a moment before gulping it down. Maria smiled and patted his arm.

The Town Car was waiting at the curb for Edward when he walked outside. A part of him foolishly hoped his brother was in the back seat, but when he opened the door, all Edward saw was empty leather.

"Good Morning, Mr. Cullen." James turned and gave Edward an icy smile. "Is your brother joining us?"

Edward shook his head. James nodded in acknowledgment and stepped lightly on the gas, heading in the direction of the school. Edward stayed silent throughout the ride, watching the neighborhood pass by out the darkly tinted windows. When the car came to a stop he didn't bother saying goodbye.

"Edward! Wait up!"

He turned and saw a girl jogging towards him. He'd seen her in a few of his classes, but he couldn't remember her name. She was short and thin, with shoulder-length brown hair and deep blue eyes. She stopped a few feet away from him and smiled.

"Were you talking to me?" Edward resisted the urge to plant his palm firmly against his forehead. _Nice, Cullen. Really nice._

"You're the only Edward in our grade, so yes." She stepped forward and stuck out her hand. "I'm Jessica Stanley. I probably should have introduced myself on the first day of classes, but I wasn't sure if you'd get sucked into the troll's nest or not."

"Edward Cullen," he said, shaking her hand and narrowing his eyes in confusion. "The troll's nest?"

"Rosalie Hale's clique," she explained. "Your brother fell right into place with them, so I guess I figured you might too."

"Fuck no," Edward spat out. Jessica giggled and rested a hand on her hip.

"In that case, you should join my friends and me for lunch today." Jessica held the door open for Edward. "We eat at Lauren Mallory's place. That's 'the court' for those of us who are too intelligent to be caught dead in the actual court."

The corners of Edward's lips twitched upward. "I'm there." Jessica gave him another smile, then turned and headed the opposite direction down the hall. He watched her until she disappeared around the corner.

He didn't know who this girl was, or why she wanted to eat lunch with him of all people, but he had a feeling he would like her. Hell, he already liked her. And if her friends were anything like her, there was a good chance he'd like them as well.

Edward made a beeline for his locker, hoping to grab his chemistry textbook and make it to homeroom without having to endure any awkward interactions. Luck wasn't on his side, however.

"Hi, Edward." He turned to find Alice standing behind him. A smile lit her face and her eyes looked hopeful. Edward glanced around nervously, wondering if there was some spectacularly planned ambush in the works. Fortunately none of the other members of the troll's nest were in sight.

"What's up?" He used his elbow to close his locker and set off in the direction of his homeroom. Alice fell into step beside him, hugging her books to her chest and continuing to smile.

"I'm having a few people over on Sunday and I was hoping you'd come."

Edward stopped abruptly and turned to face her. "You're joking, right?"

She took several steps back, knuckles whitening when she squeezed her books harder. "I know we didn't get off to the best start, but-"

"Didn't get off to the best start?" He narrowed his eyes and bit back the toxic words he wanted to say. "Your friends managed to judge and cast me away in a matter of minutes. Then, to top it all off, they yanked my brother off into their clutches. Not getting off to the best start is a nice way of putting it."

Alice sighed. "Look, Rosalie can be a bitch, Bella is somewhat of a follower, and the guys aren't exactly the brightest bulbs on the tree, but that doesn't mean everyone in the school is a lame duck."

"You're right, it just means everyone in your social circle is."

"I know you probably won't show, but the offer is on the table and it's not going anywhere." Alice turned and took off in the opposite direction. Edward watched her until she disappeared around the corner.

For a second he contemplated putting in an appearance at Sunday's gathering. Rose and Emmett aside, the group might not be _that_ bad, and maybe it would segway into what would eventually become the reparation of he and his brother's relationship.

His thoughts were gone as quick as they came. Jasper made his choice on the first day of school, leaving Edward free to do the same today. And his choice was to take the path less traveled.

Hoisting his bag up on his shoulder, Edward made his way to his homeroom with the faint trace of a smile on his face.

**IYoK**

Bella rummaged around her messenger bag in search of the Fruit Roll-Up she'd grabbed on her way out the door. Renee forgot to order in groceries, again. It was the third consecutive week she'd done this, and even though Bella wasn't planning on cooking up any culinary masterpieces, when it came to breakfast, she preferred a piece of fruit over processed and refined sugar.

She pulled out a sheet of paper and made sure nobody was watching. She scrawled _BKFST = 80_ before folding it up and tucking it in her bag.

Edward entered the room just as she looked up. If she hadn't already had the pleasure of experiencing his foul mood for three consecutive days, Bella might have thought he looked happy.

His bag dropped to the floor with a thud as he took his seat beside her. She was painfully aware of his presence, shuddering as one by one the hairs on the back of her neck stood at attention. Goosebumps peppered her skin, creating near invisible hills and valleys along the ivory surface.

"Good Morning class," Mr. Molina belted out. Within seconds he'd written an overview of the lab instructions on the board and settled himself behind his desk. "Today we're going to be looking at emission spectrums for three selected groups of elements. The materials you need are on the counter by the window. You'll have forty-five minutes to complete this lab. Please begin."

"How do you-" Bella turned to ask Edward a question, but her words fell away when she realized he was already up and out of his seat. She glanced around the room, taking note of how the rest of her classmates were interacting with one another. Friendly smiles, whispers, and ducked heads filled the room, subsequently filling Bella with a combination of annoyance and longing.

"Put these in that beaker," Edward ordered, appearing next to her and shoving a stack of wooden splints and a water-filled beaker in front of her. The six element samples lined the center of the table, creating a division that nobody else would notice. Bella grabbed the sticks as Edward lit the Bunsen burner, and had almost placed them in the beaker when she dropped them on the table and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I don't just take orders from people."

Edward smirked. "How else do you get your lab work done?"

"I read the instructions, asshole."

"Language, Ms. Swan!" Mr. Molina glanced at her over the top of his glasses, unleashing his trademark "I-mean-business" look.

Bella reached calmly around Edward, snatching their lab workbook from the table and flipping it open to the appropriate page. "It says here we have to let the burner heat up before testing the salts."

"And it says here," he slammed his index finger down on a paragraph, "to soak the sticks before testing the salts."

"Perhaps you'd like to do the experiment by yourself then." Bella yanked her stool out with the toe of her shoe and sat down, flipping her hair over her shoulder and blowing out an angry sigh.

"It's not like you'd be helpful anyway," Edward muttered.

"What was that?"

"I said, it's not like you'd be helpful anyway," he said, louder this time. Several of their classmates stopped and turned to witness the exchange.

She stood again. "You know what, Edward? Fuck you!"

"No thanks. I'm sure more than enough people have taken this," he used his index finger to trace the outline of her figure, "for a ride already."

Her palm collided against his cheek with a loud smack, eliciting a few surprised gasps from their classmates.

"That's enough!" Mr. Molina was out of his chair and across the room in record time. "Both of you go to the principle's office – _now_!"

Bella grabbed her bag and kicked her stool in, thundering out of the room and slamming the door behind her. She ducked into the closest bathroom, locking herself in a stall and letting the tears she'd been holding back start to fall. She reached blindly in her bag, clasping the first bottle that she found and bringing it into the light. Clonazepam. Not her first choice, but it would do the job. Bella slid two of the yellow pills into her mouth and swallowed. It only took a few minutes for the drugs to kick in, slowing her heart rate and easing the tremors that had started to shake through her.

When her anxiety had sufficiently subsided, Bella emerged from the stall and splashed some cool water under her puffy eyes. She couldn't let Mr. Varner – or Edward – see her like this. She was supposed to be a strong woman, not a weak girl who let the words of someone she didn't even know bring her down.

Two deep breaths helped her to focus.

_Everything will be all right, Bella._

Two more deep breaths cleared her mind.

_One more year inside these walls and then you're free._

Another two breaths returned the strength to her limbs and the courage to her heart.

_Head high, shoulders back, smile on your face._

Her mind recited this mantra as she counted to ten on her fingers. Using her shoulder to ease the door open, Bella slipped back into the quiet hallway, façade in place and emotions sufficiently regulated.

_Remember to breathe, Bella._

_Just breathe._

**IYoK**

Jessica was waiting outside of Mr. Varner's office when Edward was done.

"What's the verdict?"

Edward narrowed his eyes, wondering how she knew where he was. After a minute he chuckled, stuffing his hands in his pockets and kicking the floor with the toe of his boot. "Detention next Monday."

"That's not so bad. Good company at least?"

"Yeah, right," he scoffed. "Unless you count Isabella Swan as 'good company.'"

Jessica scrunched her nose and shook her head. "Definitely not."

"So, where does this Lauren Mallory chick live?"

"Just a few blocks away. She and Jacob are waiting out front."

"Jacob?" Edward asked, following her down the hall and out one of the side doors. He fished his Ray-Bans out of the pocket on his leather jacket and slid them on his face.

"My boyfriend," Jessica explained. She rounded the corner where a tall, muscular guy and a thin blonde were waiting.

"It's about fucking time," the blonde said, twirling a pair of keys around her finger and blowing a giant bubble with her gum.

"Cullen here scored a first-class ticket to Varner's office." Jessica winked at him and tucked herself under the guy's arm. _And that would be Jacob,_ Edward thought.

"In the first week, man? Nice job!" Muscles stuck his fist out and Edward knocked his against it awkwardly. "I'm Jacob Black."

"And I'm Lauren Mallory," the blonde said, flashing what Edward guessed was her version of a flirty smile. He nodded acknowledgment to them both.

"I'm officially inducting Edward into our non-clique clique." Jessica's words made the other two laugh.

"We're always looking for new members," Lauren said, turning toward the school's parking lot. Four pairs of feet padded across the grass until they reached a shiny new Mercedes sedan.

"You can have shotgun," Jacob said, opening the rear passenger door for Jessica. Once they were all seated, Lauren turned on a loud rock song and tore off out of the lot.

"I hate this fucking car," she said, casting a sideways glance in Edward's direction. "My parents can't grasp the fact that I'm not part of the Saint Vincent's flock."

"My aunt and uncle don't get it either," Edward confessed. "They send me to school every morning in a fucking Town Car. I hate that shit."

Jessica leaned forward so her head poked through the space between the two front seats. "Did you have a car when you moved here?"

"No, I sold it before we came?"

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I didn't want to drive it halfway across the country."

"Why did you move here anyway?" Jacob piped up.

Edward bit his lip until he tasted blood. The nice thing about being an outcast was that nobody bothered to take the time to try and get to know you. Maybe choosing to be social wasn't such a bright idea after all. "There was an accident."

"You had an accident?" Lauren inquired.

"My parents were killed in a car accident."

"Oh man, I'm sorry." Jacob clamped his hand down on Edward's shoulder. The girls muttered condolences and averted their eyes.

"Thanks," Edward mumbled. Lauren brought the car to a stop in front of a large brick mansion.

"Coming?" Jessica knocked on his window and smiled. Edward took a deep breath and eased the door open, getting out and following Lauren's lead through the gated entrance and into the house.

"We don't really come here to eat," Jacob whispered. "Well, we _do_ eat, but mostly we smoke up and listen to tunes. I mean you don't have to smoke up if you don't want to, but I'm guessing you aren't straight?"

"Not as of late."

"Weed your only weapon?"

"I'm more of a fan of pharmaceuticals."

Jacob arched an eyebrow. "Serious shit. I like that."

Edward shrugged. "It's not something I do regularly, but when I need an escape it does the trick."

"That's all that matters man."

Lauren broke out a glass pipe, and a few hits later Edward was soaring. When they returned to school an hour after that, he was high enough that the uncomfortable stares and hushed whispers of his classmates no longer fazed him.

When he sunk down into his seat in calculus, there was only one thought on his mind:

Three more hours and he'd be free for the weekend.

**IYoK**

Dinner that night was anything but comfortable.

"Would you like more salad, Edward?" Maria appeared at his side with a large glass bowl. Edward shook his head no and pushed his plate away.

Carlisle watched the exchange and shot a worried glance at Esme. "You've barely touched your food tonight, Edward. Is something wrong?"

Suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, Edward looked up at his uncle and cleared his throat. "I don't like pasta."

"You never had a problem eating it before," Jasper commented.

"And you weren't always a status-obsessed douche bag. Shit changes, no?"

"Edward!" Esme dropped her fork on the table and frowned. "You two don't have to like each other all the time, but you will be respectful to one another as long as you both live under this roof. Is that understood?"

He stood abruptly, knocking his chair over and throwing his napkin on top of his plate. "Then maybe I should find a different roof to live under." His aunt watched in shock as Edward stormed off to his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

It didn't take Carlisle more than a minute to come after him. "You can be mad at the world all you want, Edward, but don't take that out on Esme. She's doing her best to make sure you both feel welcome here."

Edward scoffed. "I'm supposed to feel welcome here? You're joking, right?" He reached for his leather jacket and tugged it on violently. "I have to tip toe around in this house wondering if I'm going to offend someone. Half of the school won't even acknowledge that I exist, and do I have anyone I can share any of this with? No, I don't, because my brother – my fucking _brother_ – walked away from me the first chance he got. So, excuse me for not feeling welcome, Carlisle."

His uncle ran a hand through his hair and sank down onto the edge of Edward's bed. "I'm sorry you had a rough week. I can't promise you that things will get any easier, but I can tell you that the pain will lessen as time goes by."

"Oh, really? And how can you be so sure of that, doctor?" Sarcasm clung heavy to his every word. "Is there a fucking crystal ball hidden up your sleeve?"

Carlisle closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His lips moved silently, counting up from one to ten before he responded. "No crystal ball, no magic tricks. I only speak from experience. "

"Your parents weren't ripped away from you," Edward sneered. " _You_ had the chance to say goodbye." Sharp, carefully placed words flew from his mouth, threatening to penetrate the thick layer of strength that came with age and experience.

"You're right," Carlisle said, standing and wiping his palms on the front of his jeans. "I did say goodbye to my parents. Of course my dad was on life support and my mom's dementia was so far advanced she didn't remember my name, but who's paying attention to details?"

Edward turned and stared out the window. An apology was in order, but his pride wasn't ready to deliver. When he looked back at Carlisle, his eyes resembled hardened sapphire steel. "I'm going to a friend's house. Don't wait up."

"If that will make you feel better, then by all means go ahead," Carlisle said with a shrug. "We have a charity brunch to attend tomorrow morning, so make sure you're awake and ready by ten. Maria hung your suit on the back of your bedroom door."

Edward scoffed. "Count me out of that function."

"No, I'm not counting you out." Carlisle crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe. "You and your brother are a part of this household now, and that means you'll attend these functions with me and Esme."

"What if I don't _like_ attending these functions?"

"You don't have to like it, but you'll do it regardless. I didn't spend upwards of a thousand dollars on a plate for you to decide you want to play the role of the rebellious teenager."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'll see you tomorrow." He pushed past Carlisle, jabbing his shoulder into the older man's chest, and stormed down the stairs. As soon as he was outside, he grabbed his cell phone and scrolled to his newest contact.

"That didn't take long." Classic rock and laughter created the soundtrack when Jessica answered. Edward dropped down on the curb and stretched his legs out in front of him. He could feel Esme and Jasper's eyes on him, and he wondered what emotion he'd find buried in their gazes if he turned around.

"Are you busy?"

"Not really." She exhaled loudly and giggled. "I just picked up Lauren and we're out cruising."

"Can you come get me?"

"Sure. You're on Howe, right?"

"Yeah, just off Armitage."

"See you in ten."

When the Chevelle pulled to a stop ten minutes later, Edward felt himself relax. The sound of Van Morrison and the smell of sticky sweet herb greeted him as he slid easily into the backseat.

"What's up man?" Jacob reached his fist out and bumped it against Edward's in a friendly greeting.

"We made a stop," Jessica said, turning to smile at Edward and nodding in Jake's direction. "What's up? You look heated."

"I live with a bunch of assholes," Edward spit out.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "Not really."

"Fair enough." Jessica turned back around and put the car in gear. "What's our destination?"

"Navy Pier?" Lauren suggested. Jessica glanced at the guys in the rearview and they both shrugged with indifference.

They burned through two more joints before reaching their destination. The girls sprayed themselves with a perfume that made Edward want to gag, and he and Jacob climbed out of the car, drawing in deep breaths of fresh autumn air.

Edward watched his new friends with a curiosity that was only enhanced by the amount of weed he'd just smoked. Jacob waited next to Jessica's door, slipping his arm around her waist when she emerged and burying his hand in her back pocket. She tilted her head up, blowing a raspberry at Jake when he was close enough for their lips to touch. He responded by pinching her nose and giving her a real kiss.

Lauren pulled a compact out and checked her makeup, applying more gloss to her already overly shiny lips. She ran her fingers through her silky blonde hair and splashed a few drops of Visine in her eyes before finally getting out of the car herself. Her eyes settled on Edward right away, and a visible blush crept from the base of her neck up into her cheeks and ears.

"Ready?" Jake threw a glance over his shoulder and Edward nodded. Jessica jumped on the muscular boy's back, securing her arms loosely around his neck and whispering something in his ear that made the entire upper half of his body shake with laughter. Lauren simply rolled her eyes and took off after the other two. Edward reluctantly fell into step beside her.

"Have you ever been to Navy Pier?" He usually hated small talk, but at the moment it left Edward feeling surprisingly good.

"A few times when I was younger. Our parents used to send Jasper and I here for a week every summer to visit Carlisle and Esme."

"Did you have a girlfriend back in Seattle?"

 _Nice way of being subtle there, Mallory._ "You could say that."

"What was her name?"

"Kate."

Lauren stayed silent for a few minutes, much to Edward's relief. Her round of twenty questions would get old very fast.

"What's the story with your brother?" This time it was Jacob making the inquiry.

"He drank Hale's Kool-Aid."

"I give him two months." Jake joked. "They'll chew him up and spit him out. Just like they did to Ben Cheney."

"Who's Ben Cheney?"

"He used to be a part of the troll's nest," Lauren explained. "Then he made the mistake of going to one of Jake's parties. The troll's nest ostracized him, half the school took part in bullying him, and eventually he moved to Vermont to live with his dad."

"Christ," Edward muttered. Maybe he needed to try talking to Jasper after all.

The sun was starting to set, painting colorful designs on Lake Michigan's surface. Jacob came to a stop when they reached the ticket booth next to the pier's large ferris wheel. He deposited Jessica on the sidewalk and pulled out his wallet. "Four please."

Edward took his ticket and followed the others. He watched as people moved on and off, noting that the wheel never came to a halt.

"It never stops," Lauren said, taking note of the confusion on his face. "It freaked me the fuck out the first time I went on it, but after a few times you get used to it."

"I'm surprised nobody's fallen yet."

"Well, it doesn't exactly move at the speed of light," she teased. "When I was younger my sister and I somehow managed to stay on for three rides before the employee kicked us off. Then our older brother and his buddies tried, and they got the boot right away. My parents always said it was because the girls had the Mallory charm, but I'm convinced it boiled down to who had the boobs."

Edward laughed – a genuine laugh that rumbled up from his stomach through his lungs and over his tongue.

"We're up, kids," Jacob pulled Jessica forward, and they climbed in the swaying bucket. Lauren and Edward followed and soon they were suspended in the air.

He could see the entire downtown area, and as his eyes roamed the length of the shoreline, Edward had to admit that his new home was beautiful.

"Smile!" The flash of a camera distracted him from his daydream. Jessica was busy clicking away, documenting their afternoon in a collection of digital images that would inevitably disappear sometime along life's path.

"She thinks she's a photographer or something," Jacob joked, ticking his girlfriend's side. Jessica stuck her tongue out at him and pointed the camera at Edward, snapping a series of random pictures.

"Jessica has been taking pictures since we were kids," Lauren explained. "On days like today you can almost guarantee she'll have her camera with her."

"That's because there's so many moments worth remembering," Jessica said, wrapping her arm around Jacob's shoulders and taking a self-portrait of the two of them. "Like this one."

Edward closed his eyes and tilted his head back, allowing his senses to take over. The wind rustled his hair and children's laughter floated up from the ground below. The smell of corndogs mixed with cotton candy and the girls' perfume wrapped itself around him. As the ride went on, Edward felt the bullshit from the past week start to fall away, only to be replaced by a small slice of unrecognizable happiness.

"I say we try for a double ride." Edward blinked his eyes open and looked around at his three new friends.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a daredevil among us," Jacob whooped, clapping his hands and whistling. Jessica punched his shoulder playfully.

"I think that's an awesome idea," she said, stuffing her camera back in her purse. "We haven't tried it for years. What do you say?"

Lauren shrugged. "I'm up for anything."

A second time on the ferris wheel turned into a round of mini golf, which then evolved into Dippin' Dots, skee ball, shots of whiskey (courtesy of Lauren's parent's liquor cabinet and her oversized purse), and Chicago dogs. When they finally ended up at Oak Street Beach it was after midnight.

"What's your curfew?" Lauren asked, jumping up on the trunk of the Chevelle next to Edward. Jessica and Jacob were in the front seat, lips locked and hands roaming.

"Don't have one." He leaned back, resting his head against the car's back window. Lauren followed suit, placing her cheek on his shoulder. Had he not been drunk, her actions would have irritated him.

"Let's play a game." She sat up and slid off the car, nudging his legs apart with her knee and standing between them.

He decided to play along. "What game?"

"The nervous game," she whispered, placing her hands flat against his stomach. Edward sat up and cocked his head to the side.

"The nervous game? What is this, fifth grade?"

Lauren shook her head and ran her tongue across her lower lip. "Did you do this in fifth grade?" She moved her hands lower, resting them on the front of his jeans and curling her fingers around the waistband.

"Is this some roundabout way of telling me you want to get in my pants?"

She dropped her hands to her side and rolled her eyes. "Fuck, Edward, you sure know how to ruin a moment. Jessica and Jacob are so far gone they won't even notice. What's the problem?"

He closed his eyes and fisted his hair. His mind and body were engaged in a battle of wits. He knew it wasn't nice to lead someone along, but he also wanted to get off – badly, and not by his own accord.

"Well, this is awkward…" Lauren's voice trailed off when he grabbed her hand and placed it over his button fly.

"I don't do shit like this, so consider yourself lucky."

She smirked. "I don't either, Cullen." She undid his jeans and freed him from the confines of his boxer briefs. She stroked his length twice, then bent forward and took him in her mouth. She looked up at him as she slid her lips down his shaft and back up.

Edward sighed, closing his eyes and laying back down on the car. Despite the temporary bliss he felt earlier – and the physical bliss he felt now – he couldn't shake the underlying sadness that crippled every part of him.

He knew then and there that he'd have to become an expert actor if he was going to make it in Chicago.

_Might as well start rehearsing now._

A moan fell from his lips and his fingers wove their way into Lauren's hair.

There was no time like the present to feign enjoyment.

Hopefully his theatrics could carry him through the remainder of his senior year.

**IYoK**

The air was uncharacteristically warm and humid, at least for September. Jasper loosened his tie and undid the first button on the stuffy dress shirt. He wasn't looking forward to being stuck on a boat with his brother for the next four hours. Edward's animosity toward him coupled with the current state of their relationship was making things difficult for everyone in the Cullen household.

"Jasper!" His eyes roamed over the sea of people on the upper deck until they set on a pair of familiar faces. Emmett and Rosalie were leaning against the railing, hands intertwined and smiles on their faces. It didn't take a genius to recognize their buzz.

"Don't just stand there! Get your ass up here!" He followed Rose's lead, ascending the stairs and weaving a path through the crowd of overpriced suits and dresses. Bella and Alice were also there, hidden by Emmett's towering frame.

"Hey." Jasper smirked, taking note of the flush that spread across Alice's cheeks when she saw him.

"We were wondering if you'd be here." For someone so outgoing, Alice had the shy girl act down pat.

"Actually, Alice was obsessing over whether or not you'd be here." Rosalie laughed her obnoxious laugh and stuck her tongue out at her friend. "The rest of us put two and two together last night."

"I was _not_ obsessing, thank you very much. Inquiring minds wanted to know and I prefer not to make assumptions."

"Well, I'm here now, so no assumption-making is necessary." Jasper flashed her a flirty smile and moved so he stood next to her. Alice beamed.

"What is Lauren Mallory wearing?" Four sets of eyes followed Rosalie's gaze. The girl was beautiful; Jasper couldn't deny that. Her chosen attire was not, however. A black dress was wrapped securely around her, complete with a giant black bow and ruffled edges. Hot pink and black lace heels and a giant bag covered with roses and lavender colored skulls completed the outfit.

"Maybe she's headed to a funeral after this," Bella joked, flipping her hair over her shoulder and rolling her eyes.

Jasper kept his eyes on Lauren while his friends dissected every article of her clothing. Shock took the place of his curiosity when the crowd shifted and he saw that she was leaning on Edward.

"Well, well, well, would you look at that." Rosalie slung her arm over Jasper's shoulders. "It looks like your brother found himself a piece of arm candy."

"He's dating _her_?" Bella frowned. Jasper swore he saw a hint of jealousy in her features, but then he remembered the hostile scene in chemistry lab the day before. There was no chance she was interested in his brother, especially not in that way.

"Shall we go find out?" Rose took off before giving anyone the chance to answer. Jasper and the rest of the group followed closely behind, stopping when they were several feet away from where Edward and Lauren stood.

"This should be good," Emmett whispered, rubbing his palms together excitedly.

"What do we have here?" Rosalie's voice was loud and filled with disgust.

Lauren turned and gave them an artificially sweet smile. "I could ask you the same thing, Rosalie."

"Did you finally give up on your pursuit of happiness with Newton?" Bella shifted uncomfortably at the mention of her boyfriend. Jasper wondered where he was, and made a note to ask Alice about it later.

Edward turned around then, resting his elbow on top of Lauren's shoulder and narrowing his eyes at them. "I wasn't aware they were letting trash on the boat this morning."

Icy laughter floated from Rosalie's lips. "If they weren't you'd be dateless."

"And your posse would cease to exist," Lauren fired back.

"That's where you're wrong, sweetie. You and your gang of nobodies set the standard for trashy, whereas we," Rosalie pointed over her shoulder to the group congregated behind her, "are looked at as the epitome of class."

"Actually, I think you're more the epitome of cunt." Lauren flipped her middle finger up inches away from Rosalie's face. Alice's eyes widened and Bella sucked in a gasp. The sparks were about to fly, and Jasper wasn't sure he wanted to bear witness to them.

"Don't speak that way to my girlfriend," Emmett said, grabbing Lauren's wrist and pushing her arm back toward her chest.

Edward stepped forward and grabbed Emmett's arm, shoving him away and stepping in front of Lauren. "Don't put your hands on her.

"No woman's ever complained about it before," Emmett joked. He straightened the blazer he wore and resumed his position next to Rosalie.

"That's probably because you've never asked."

"Well Cullen, your mother certainly didn't complain about it last night."

The events that followed Emmett's comment were over in a matter of seconds, but to Jasper everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. Lauren and Alice covered their mouths in disbelief. Rosalie and Bella giggled, though Bella made an attempt to conceal it by turning her head away. Edward's eyes flashed with rage and he pulled his fist back before punching it against Emmett's jaw. Emmett stumbled backwards, knocking over several of the party patrons before falling down himself. Before he even had a chance to respond, Edward was on him, pulling Emmett up by the front of his shirt and punching him in the nose. Emmett took a blind swing, hitting Edward in the mouth and splitting his lip open. Blood dripped down his chin and onto his dress shirt, tarnishing his rich kid costume.

"EDWARD!" Carlisle and a man Jasper didn't recognize pushed through the crowd, grabbing Edward by the back of his jacket and pulling him off of Emmett. Carlisle flung him up against the boat railing and fisted the front of his shirt. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Defending my dead mother," Edward shouted, glaring at Emmett over Carlisle's shoulder. Both boys struggled to free themselves to fight, but neither had success.

"Defend her with words, Edward, not your god damn fists," Carlisle hissed, loosening his grip. Edward shrugged away from his uncle and ran a hand through his hair. Pain radiated from his fingers, and when he looked down he saw cracks breaking the skin.

"Carlisle, what happened?" Esme ran up to them, eyes moving back and forth between her husband's angry glare and her nephew's bloody lip.

"Our nephew and Emmett McCarty seem to be under the impression that charity brunches are an acceptable place to have fist fights."

"Edward threw the fucking punch," Emmett said.

"He had every right to," Lauren spoke up. She brushed her fingertips across Edward's cheek, earning herself a glare and causing him to shrink away in annoyance.

"I want you down on the lower deck – now," Carlisle instructed. Edward rolled his eyes and stalked off toward the staircase with Lauren in tow. The older man turned to his other nephew with a disappointed look on his face. "I can't believe you're willing to call these people your friends."

Jasper watched in silence as his aunt and uncle disappeared in the crowd. The people around them stared for another minute before returning to their superficial conversations and early morning cocktails.

Alice's whisper startled him. "I'm sorry Emmett said that. He had no right to do so."

Jasper just nodded and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his dress pants. Conversation amongst the group resumed like normal, and nobody else said a thing to him about Emmett's comment.

By the time the boat docked three hours later, Jasper was left wondering; with friends like these, did he really need to worry about acquiring any enemies?

**IYoK**

"Therapy."

Edward stared blankly at his uncle. "Excuse me?"

"Therapy," Carlisle repeated, sipping his coffee and pushing the Sunday edition of the newspaper aside. "You're going to therapy to learn how to process your grief and control your anger."

"What makes you think I'll go to therapy?"

Carlisle looked up at him with serious eyes. "I spoke with Emmett McCarty's father last night. He's agreed not to press charges as long as you go to counseling."

Blood boiled and sore knuckles collided with the kitchen counter. "So I get sentenced to afternoons with a shrink and Richie Rich gets off scot free? How fucking typical."

"This isn't about money or status, Edward. This is about you needing to get a handle on your emotions."

"If you want me to have a handle on my emotions, you better tell McCarty to get a handle on his fucking mouth."

Carlisle pulled his reading glasses off and rubbed his temples. "I'm not saying what he did was right, Edward. I'm just saying there's better ways you could have handled it, and that's what I hope Dr. Whitlock can help you with."

"I don't get any say in this?"

"I'm afraid not." Carlisle stood and collected his dishes, dropping them in the sink and heading for his office. Edward slumped down on his stool and dropped his forehead to the counter.

The last thing he wanted to do was go to therapy. The whole process would leave him feeling exposed, and even though he understood that was part of the point, he didn't want to pick apart his feelings with a complete stranger who could never truly understand him in the first place.

_Fucking McCarty and his big fucking mouth._

Edward pulled out his phone and flipped to the calendar app. He scrolled forward until he reached June 2013, and punched an alert in.

281 days until graduation.

281 days until Edward could pack his bags and kiss everything – and everyone – in this miserable town goodbye.

281 days.

Time couldn't move quickly enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate the C word. Using it made me cringe.
> 
> I think it's hard to picture Lauren's outfit without actually seeing what inspired it. So, I'll post pictures tomorrow on my blog - www dot blueeyedcherryfanfiction dot com. I'll also be posting musicical inspiration and the occasional teaser there too.
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who is still here reading! If there's any way to update more than monthly I'll try to do so, but right now that's all I can give.
> 
> Come find me on Facebook - Blu Eyed Cherry
> 
> Or find me on Twitter - rpexaminer
> 
> xo


	5. Favors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These character have chosen to remain silent for months. I won't give up on them, however. So, here I am!
> 
> Special thanks to Ocsickgirl VampLuvr for reccing this over on Facebook, to WitchyVampireGirl for throwing around ideas with me, and to cejsmom for always having words of encouragement when it comes to this one. :)
> 
> Chloe Masen, this chapter is for you. And so is this Edward. Hehe.
> 
> More at the end!
> 
> \- N.
> 
> Chapter Song: I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace
> 
> Characters Belong to SM and publicly recognizable faces and places belong to their rightful owners. The crazy kids these things do is all on me.

"Edward?" His eyes traveled up the length of the woman standing in front of him until they settled on her face. She was tall and slightly pudgy, with short dark brown hair and wide blue-green eyes. Rectangular shaped black glasses framed her face, making her look several years older than he assumed she was and giving her the professional appearance she no doubt desired.

"Yeah," he mumbled, standing and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"My name is Emily Tanner. Please, follow me," she said with a smile, turning and heading back down the hallway she came from. She led him into a small office, closing the door behind them and gesturing to a comfortable looking loveseat in the corner. "Take a seat. Would you like anything to drink? I have coffee, tea, and water."

"I'm not thirsty."

Emily sank down on the armchair across from him and reached for a clipboard that sat on the coffee table. "Carlisle filled out all of the required paperwork, but I do need your signature on the informed consent. Would you mind reading this over and signing where it's highlighted in orange?" Edward took the clipboard from her and stared down at it.

"What if I don't want to sign it?" he muttered defiantly. Emily simply leaned back in her chair and placed her hands in her lap.

"Then don't. Keep in mind however, I can't work without your signature, and if I can't work then Mr. McCarty will press assault charges."

He narrowed his eyes and shook his head, scrawling his name where it was required and dropping the clipboard back down on the table. "Happy now?"

"Appreciative, yes. Do you want to tell me a bit about yourself?"

"If I didn't want to sign the paper, why the fuck would I want to tell you anything about me?"

"You're paying for the next fifty minutes." Emily crossed one leg over the other and looked at him over the top of her glasses. "How you choose to spend your time is up to you, but I think it would be beneficial for us to start by getting to know one another."

"I'm not paying for shit."

She cracked a small, knowing smile. "You might want to double check with Carlisle on that."

"What the…" Edward's words trailed off as it dawned on him. _The trust fund_. "That's _my_ trust fund, not his. What the fuck does he think he's doing?"

"When do you turn eighteen, Edward?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Well, your trust fund is technically under the control of your legal guardian until then." Emily uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair.

"But my parents put that money away for _me._ Well, for my brother and me. It's not for Carlisle to use as he chooses."

"True, but it was your actions that landed you here, right?"

Edward crossed his arms over his chest and glared out the window.

"Accountability is one area we need to work on I see." She scrawled a few notes on the legal pad that sat next to her.

Edward turned his attention back to the therapist and narrowed his eyes. "I have no problem taking accountability," he hissed. "Did I punch Emmett McCarty in the face? Yes, I did. Did I embarrass my aunt and uncle in front of all their uptight, snooty friends? Yes, I did. Do I feel guilty about it? Not one bit. Would I do it again if I had the chance? Hell yeah I would."

"Why did you punch Emmett?"

"C'mon, doc. I'm sure Carlisle gave you all the dirty details."

"I'm not a doctor and no he didn't." She picked up her mug of tea and took a sip. "Your uncle gave me the bare bones information; you punched a kid and you needed to enter therapy to avoid having charges pressed against you. The details are yours to share with me."

Edward looked down at his hands, picking at the skin around his thumb until it started to bleed. He grabbed a tissue off the coffee table and wrapped it around his finger. "He made some bullshit comment about my mother."

"And your first reaction was to hit him?"

"What would your first reaction be if some cocky prep school fuck had shit to say about your dead mother?"

Emily shifted awkwardly in her chair. "I'm sorry about your mother, Edward. That pain is still fresh for you, isn't it?"

He sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. "Fresh for me?" He balled his hands into fists and glared at her. "Let me enlighten you about my 'fresh' pain. Both of my parents were killed in a car accident in July. I had the pleasure of making the trip to the morgue and IDing their bodies."

"Edward, I'm-"

"If that wasn't bad enough," he continued, cutting her off, "my entire life was uprooted when my brother and I were packed up and shipped to Chicago, only to be enrolled in some stuck up, white collar prep school. Fresh pain is just the tip of the fucking ice berg, and now I get to sit here for an hour every week listening to you blather on about what's wrong with me."

"I'm not here to 'blather on about what's wrong with you'," she said, making air quotes with her fingers. "I prefer to approach therapy from a systemic framework."

He stared blankly at her. "In English please?"

"Your actions are ultimately your responsibility, but there are always outside factors that influence how we respond to situations. The systems we operate in – our family system, our friendship systems, our school system – can have a great impact on how we learn to handle different situations and how we conduct ourselves."

"And I'm supposed to care about systemic bullshit because…?"

The corner of Emily's mouth tugged up in a smile. "I'll worry about the systemic bullshit. You just show up here every week with an open mind, okay?"

"In my world, an open mind equates to vulnerability. You want me to come in here and bare my soul to you? You want me to tell you all about the kids at school and what goes on at home? You want me to get real deep and shed a few tears? Well, guess what; getting any of those things to come out would require complete and utter trust in you, and I doubt that's ever going to happen. If living here has taught me anything it's that you can't trust anyone, even your own blood."

"Apprehension is normal when faced with a new situation, Edward." Her level of patience irritated him. Most of the adults he knew would have given up and sent him on his way by now. Emily wasn't budging, however. _Note to self: Employ a new strategy to irritate the therapist next time,_ Edward thought. "Trust is earned, not dished out. I'm prepared to earn your trust, Edward, but you need to be prepared to let me do that as well. Otherwise this is never going to work." The timer she had set at the beginning of the appointment went off and Edward felt a layer of anxiety melt away.

"There's nothing quite as sweet as the sound of time you don't want to spend being up." He pushed himself up and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Am I free to go now?"

Emily nodded. "Same time, same place next week?"

"Do I really have a choice?"

"You always have a choice. It's just a matter of deciding the best way to exercise it."

Edward looked down at his beat up Doc Martens boots and sighed. "Later, doc."

"It's Emily. Have a nice week, Edward."

Carlisle's Lexus was parked next to the curb when Edward emerged from the building. He slid wordlessly into the passenger seat and slammed the door.

"How did it go?" Sunlight streamed through the window as Carlisle pulled out into traffic.

He shrugged. "It was a waste of time."

"You can't keep approaching life with that kind of attitude, Edward. It will get you nowhere and make you nothing but miserable."

Edward sat in silence, staring out the window and ignoring his uncle's words of wisdom. When they reached the fringes of their neighborhood, he glanced over at the older man and made a request. "Can you drop me off at the Black's house?"

Carlisle's eyes widened in surprise. "Sam and Leah Black?" Edward nodded. "How did you become acquainted with them?"

"Jacob and I are friends."

His uncle took the information in for a moment and then smiled. "I've known Sam and Leah for a long time. They're good people. I haven't had much interaction with Jacob, but he seems like a good enough kid."

"I like him a lot better than I like the crowd Jasper's hanging out with."

Carlisle sighed. "Truth be told, I wasn't particularly thrilled when I heard who his friends are."

"Why don't you say something to him? You're the fucking adult in the house."

"He'll be an adult in a few months, just like you. As long as he doesn't give me a reason to have a discussion about it, then I won't."

"I don't get it," Edward said, shaking his head in amazement. "If you don't like Emmett McCarty then why am I stuck in therapy?"

"You're stuck in therapy because you punched Emmett McCarty, and his father is a big enough asshole to try and do something about it. My disliking someone has no bearing on how they chose to conduct themselves after an incident like the one you had."

Edward regretted saying anything and scrambled to change the subject. The conversation was starting to sound too much like the one with his therapist, and he didn't want that shit carrying over into his day. "Am I ever going to get another car?"

Carlisle pulled to a stop in front of the Black's home and cut the engine. "You're really asking me this question?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Edward, you just started counseling to avoid domestic assault charges being brought against you. Do you think that type of behavior makes Esme or me want to run out and buy you a new vehicle?"

"It doesn't have to be new. And it doesn't have to be some fancy shit like a Range Rover either. I'm not like the rest of the materialistic fucks in your circle."

"Please watch your language." Carlisle focused his attention on the street in front of them. Edward was about to give up and get out when his uncle finally spoke. "I'm willing to make a deal."

"Oh, God…"

"You take your therapy seriously; you attend your sessions each week, you open up to Emily, and you genuinely try to turn things around. If you can do that for three months then we can talk about getting you a car."

"Three months?" He groaned and ran a hand through his already overly messy hair.

"Three months will pass in the blink of an eye, Edward. You'd have new wheels just in time for Christmas."

As much as it irritated him, Edward knew he wasn't in any position to beg. He sighed and grabbed the passenger door handle. "Deal."

"I expect you home by eleven since it's a school night." He waved his hand over his shoulder, acknowledging his uncle's words and giving him a silent goodbye.

Pulling his leather jacket tighter around himself, Edward made his way up the front walk to the door of the Black home. As he raised his hand to knock on the elaborate wooden door, Edward wondered how he could convince his therapist that he was truly invested and trying to make changes.

_Time to brush up on your acting skills, Cullen. It's the only way you're going to make it through and get out of this place._

**IYoK**

One month of therapy hadn't changed the way Edward felt about Emmett or improved his attitude toward Chicago. It had helped him perfect his acting skills, however, and that was enough to keep him going.

"So, how's the shrinkage going?" Jacob's voice was gravely and sleep-filled.

Edward slammed his locker shut and spun around, leaning against it and crossing his arms over his chest. "Fan-fucking-tastic."

"Are you airing all your dirty laundry and unpacking your psychological woes? Or whatever the fuck it is you do there?"

"Shut up, Jake." Jessica clamped her hand over her boyfriend's mouth and rolled her eyes. "In all seriousness, how is it going?"

"In all seriousness, I could give two shits less about being there or how it's going."

"You give two shits less about what?" Lauren sidled up next to Edward, looping her arm through his and resting her cheek against the cool leather of his jacket. _One goddamn blowjob and a few good finger fucks and now we're a couple? Give me a fucking break_ , he thought disgustedly.

"Therapy," Jessica explained. "Really Edward, it might not hurt to care just a bit."

"I'm there because McCarty has a big mouth and his dad is a prick. I just need to keep showing up until my birthday and then it won't matter."

Jessica bit her lip, trying to decide how to best phrase her next sentence. "I know you're still mad, and I know that Emmett was in the wrong, but don't you think it would be nice to have someone to talk about the accident with?" She continued quickly when she saw the look in Edward's eyes. "You know, someone to dump your guts to? Someone who could help you sort through all your feelings and find a way to heal so you can be the Edward you were before Chicago?"

He shrugged. "I'll never be the Edward I was before Chicago again."

"You don't know that though," she insisted.

"You're right, I don't know." Irritation saturated his words. "Can we just drop this now? I get enough pro-psycho babble bullshit at home. I don't need it at school too."

"I guess that answers my earlier question." Jake laughed and took a few steps back, colliding with Emmett in the process.

"Watch what you're doing, grease monkey."

"Maybe you should watch where the fuck you're going," Edward spit out, pushing himself off the wall and shrugging Lauren off of his arm.

"Edward Cullen, always looking for trouble."

"Emmett McCarty, always talking shit."

"I'd be careful if I was you." Emmett dropped his backpack and rolled up his sleeves.

Edward took two steps forward. "Careful of what? Your yuppie father and his collection of stiff neck attorneys?"

"It was pure luck that got you off the hook last time." Emmett jutted his chin out and smirked. "Hit me again. Or are you too much of a pussy to do it?"

Edward dropped his own bag and started to pull his fist back, but Jessica grabbed his elbow. "Don't. He's not worth it."

His temper was flaring, just like it always did when McCarty came around. Edward reached down and grabbed his bag, shaking Jess's hand off and storming down the hall.

"There's always next time, Cullen," Emmett belted out. Edward simply raised both hands over his head and flipped Emmett a double bird.

"Why do you let him get to you like that?" Mike Newton asked, picking Emmett's bag up and handing it to him.

"Why do you always have to play the peacemaker? Jesus Christ, you're as bad as Alice."

Mike shrugged. "I just think all this high school rivalry shit is stupid. We're out of here in eight months. Why waste your senior year being so hostile?"

"I'm not hostile. I just don't like arrogant assholes that show up and think they own the fucking school."

"Cullen isn't arrogant at all. In fact, he's fairly self-depreciating. There's a vast difference."

"Whatever. Why the hell are you defending him?" The two boys headed toward the stairs.

"I'm not defending anyone. I'm over this clique bullshit. I just want to graduate and be done with it."

"This 'clique bullshit' got you your girlfriend, not to mention your friends and reputation," Emmett pointed out. He stopped in front of his calculus classroom and locked eyes with Mike. "I hope you're not getting soft on us, Newton. I'd hate to see you spend your senior year with no friends like your buddy Cullen."

"I have to get to class." Mike stuck his fist out, waiting for Emmett to bump his against it. Getting no response, he simply shrugged and started to walk away. "See you in the court," he called over his shoulder.

Emmett rolled his eyes and pulled his phone out, punching a quick text in for Rosalie.

_**Newton is walking on thin ice. I'll tell you more in chem.** _

Straightening his shoulders, he ducked into the classroom and grinned at his buddies.

Making life a living hell for Edward Cullen was officially his mission for the remaining eight months of the school year.

And if Newton had to go down with him, well, that was just the way it would go.

**IYoK**

Bella twisted her fingers in front of her face, inspecting the chipped polish that covered her bitten-down nails. Dark Envy was the name of the color, and she couldn't help but laugh internally at the irony of it. Plenty of people were envious of her, but she would never wish her life on a single one of them.

"Good Morning ladies and gentlemen." Mr. Molina stood and grabbed a stack of packets from the corner of his desk. "As your syllabus mentioned, there is an ongoing semester-long project that you'll be working on in this class. Since we have no lab today, I'd like to go over the expectations and let you get started with your partners."

Excited whispers filled the air as the students started asking one another who they were going to work with. "Not so fast," Mr. Molina said, holding up one hand and silencing the room. "I'm sure you're all capable of selecting a good partner, but I've taken the liberty of doing that for you." He began moving around the room and distributing the packets. "For this assignment you'll each be working with your current lab partner."

Edward groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. "This is fucking perfect."

"Is there a problem, Mr. Cullen?" The teacher came to a stop in front of their table and dropped two packets down on the granite top. "We haven't even discussed the assignment yet."

Edward shook his head and grabbed a packet. "No, sir."

"Good." Mr. Molina made his way back to the front of the room and took a seat behind his desk. "Please take a moment to read through the information before we start discussing."

"Is the idea of working on a project with me really that bad?" Bella hissed.

"The idea of doing anything with you is really that bad. The fact that it's school related just adds an extra layer of misery to it."

"You know what they say; misery loves company."

"Not in this case."

"What are you so afraid of?"

Edward turned to look at her, narrowing his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"That's the only rational explanation I can come up with for your behavior."

"My behavior doesn't concern you."

"It does when you make it your personal mission to avoid me like I have the plague."

Edward smirked. "I wonder what your all-American boyfriend would think if he knew my behavior meant so much to you."

"Don't worry, my 'all-American' boyfriend would never view you as competition."

"Ms. Swan?" She looked up at the teacher. "Since you're so interested in socializing, can you please tell us about the lab you'll be working on?"

Bella looked down at the packet in front of her. "Life's a Ball?"

Mr. Molina nodded. "Go on."

"For this assignment, you will create a set of polymer bouncing balls using variations of the ingredients listed on the next page," she read. "You will then perform a series of experiments with the balls and write a fifteen page paper discussing your findings."

"Very good," Mr. Molina said. "Half of you will work on this project. Mr. McCarty, can you please tell us about the lab you and Ms. Hale will be working on?"

As Emmett started to read about how the other half of the class would be making soap, Bella let herself glance over at her perpetually disgruntled lab partner. Despite the fact that they'd spent an hour together every morning for four weeks, she'd never taken a truly good look at Edward's facial features. Long eyelashes paved the way to prominent cheekbones, which transitioned into a strong, defined jaw line. His disheveled hair looked soft, and Bella had to clench her fingers against her palm to keep from reaching out and running them through it. Her eyes moved down his neck and over his arm, stopping when they reached the leather cuff on his wrist. She cocked her head to the side in an attempt to get a better look at the design etched into it, but Edward pulled the sleeve of his jacket down to cover it and moved his arm under the table.

"If you took a picture it might last you longer. Better yet, you could add it to your spank bank; right next to the image of that All-American boyfriend."

"Fuck you," Bella spit out. She regretted the words when she saw humor sparkle in his eyes. The satisfied smirk that had settled itself on his face told her she'd given him the exact reaction he wanted.

Edward shoved the packet into his notebook. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass. I prefer girls whose brains match their beauty."

She opened her mouth to reply, but Mr. Molina's voice stopped her. "Please note the first part of this assignment is due a week from Friday. This project will require a substantial amount of work outside of the classroom if you plan on getting a good grade. Love your partner or hate them, you better get used to spending time with them."

Edward looked over at her and smirked again. "Ready to get your first F, princess?" With that he stood and gathered his things, making a beeline for the door and disappearing from the classroom before Bella could even process what he'd just said.

**IYoK  
**

Lauren's mouth was going a mile a minute, but all Edward could think about were Bella's lips.

On Monday he'd left class before those lips could form a retort to his disparaging comments.

On Tuesday he smoked a joint with Jacob while watching those lips shout out cheerleading calls from a distance.

On Wednesday he'd seen those lips lift in a laugh when Leah Clearwater tripped over her too-long shoelaces and tossed her books all over the hallway.

On Thursday those lips had somehow managed to avoid him all day, and on Friday he'd seem them curl into a beautiful snarl when she cursed him out for declining her invitation to work on their chemistry project that weekend.

Bella Swan irritated the shit out of him. Her designer handbags, flirty giggles, and idiotic flock of friends drove Edward crazy. Despite this, he hadn't been able to get the image of her staring at his wrist cuff out of his head. Her pretty, peach colored lips had been pursed in contemplation at that moment.

 _I wouldn't mind seeing her lips pursed elsewhere._ Edward shook his head at grimaced at the thought. The only good thing about Bella Swan was her looks, and those could only get her so far. When it came down to it she seemed like nothing but a miserable person; just like the company she chose to keep.

"Edward? Are you even listening?" His attention was brought back to the present when the lips sitting across from him stopped moving and formed a scowl.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about this chemistry project and how it's going to kick my ass," he lied.

"You've been zoned out since I picked you up. Do you even want to be here?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Truth be told, Edward _didn't_ want to be there. When Lauren suggested they go to dinner and possibly a movie, he wanted to tell her no on the spot. She was a nice girl; she was fun to party with sometimes, and unlike most of the females at St. Vincent's, Lauren accepted him for who he was without making a big fuss or asking any questions.

She wasn't girlfriend material, however, and Edward got the feeling that was the role she expected to play in his life.

He'd agreed to hang out with her only after he discovered that Jacob and Jessica planned on spending the weekend at her grandmother's house in Michigan. It was a douche bag thing of him to do - to get Lauren's hopes up when in reality she was his last resort. He couldn't help it, though. Dinner with Lauren ranked above spending a night at home with Carlisle and Esme.

"There's a lot on my mind." He poked his fork into the pile of cold spaghetti that sat in front of him, careful not to bring his eyes up to meet hers.

"Then talk to me!" Lauren exclaimed, throwing her hands up and rolling her eyes.

Edward narrowed his. "Talk to you about what, exactly?"

"Whatever's on your mind," she answered, pulling the end off of a breadstick and popping it in her mouth. "The weather, school, the bonfire we didn't get invited to tonight … talk to me about anything, Edward. Just stop staring off into space like I don't even exist."

"Bonfire?"

She nodded. "Homecoming is next weekend. It's Saint Vincent's tradition for the cheerleaders to host a bonfire at one of the beaches. Of course if you don't sit in the court at lunch then you certainly aren't invited."

"Sounds lame to me," Edward remarked.

"I bet your brother is down there."

"And your point is?"

She shrugged. "It's just not fair that he gets an automatic pass into their inner circle and you get tossed to the wayside."

Edward narrowed his eyes once more. "What makes you think I would want a pass to their 'inner circle'?"

Lauren fidgeted uncomfortably beneath his glare. "I never said you did." She looked over his shoulder and held her hand in the air, signaling for the waitress to bring over their check. "Just forget I mentioned anything. Did you want to go to the movie?"

Edward leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh. Lauren was driving him crazy, but the night was still young. _Plus you'll be in a movie theater,_ he thought to himself. _At least she can't keep talking while you're there._

"Sure, I'm in."

Two hours later Edward couldn't wait to get home. Dinner had saved him from feeling obligated to buy popcorn and candy at the theater, and _Drive_ was a decent enough film, but he couldn't take anymore of the awkwardness that came with spending time alone with Lauren. When she pulled her car to a stop in front of his aunt and uncle's home, Edward was ready to jump out and bolt across the lawn.

"I'm not sure what's bothering you, but I hope the weekend makes it better," she offered.

"Doubtful." Edward grabbed the door handle and glanced over at her. He'd been a dick without even trying for most of the night, and part of him felt bad for doing so. In the month he'd known her they'd engaged in some not-so-innocent activities, and he knew that Lauren saw them as something bigger than they were. He owed her some cordial behavior; especially since he'd done nothing to dispel the impression he'd left her with. "Thanks for hanging out tonight."

The smile she wore when picking him up earlier returned to Lauren's face. "Of course. I'll see you on Monday."

Edward nodded and climbed out, nudging the car door closed with his elbow and grabbing his keys. Darkness greeted him when he entered the house, leaving him feeling both shocked and relieved. It was only a little after eleven, so he assumed his aunt and uncle had somewhere to be the next morning.

He was in the kitchen digging through the freezer when his phone buzzed.

_**Hey man. Call me. Please? – J.** _

Edward rolled his eyes and closed the message. Since starting therapy, Edward had spoken to his brother a total of four times, and never on the phone. Their conversations usually took place in the kitchen before school, and barely scratched the surface of any one topic.

He pulled out the carton of chocolate chip cookie dough Edy's that Maria had managed to sneak in for him and grabbed a spoon. Perching himself on a stool at the breakfast bar, Edward shoveled some of the sugary sweet dessert into his mouth and sighed in contentment. Simple things like having his favorite ice cream readily available on a Friday night hadn't seemed quite as important in Seattle.

_Buzzzzz._

"For fucks sakes," he muttered, grabbing his phone and opening another message from Jasper.

_**C'mon Edward, please? It's kind of an emergency. – J.** _

Sighing, he gave in. Things between them were strained enough that Edward didn't think Jasper would pull out the emergency card if it wasn't serious.

"Hey!" Loud music played in the background and Jasper sounded out of breath. _The bonfire,_ Edward realized. _I sure as fuck hope he's not going to try and invite me._

"What's up?"

"Hang on a second," Jasper shouted. A minute later the background noise died down and his brother lowered his voice. "I need your help with something."

Edward snorted. "You need my help? What about your army of drones? Where are they when you need them?"

"I know things aren't great between us right now," he continued, ignoring Edward's sarcasm, "but I promise you I wouldn't call if there was someone else to do this."

Edward cocked one eyebrow and put his spoon down. "Do what?"

"I can't tell you right now," Jasper explained. "I need you to meet me at Belmont Harbor."

"Where the fuck is that? And how am I supposed to get there?"

"It's north of Lincoln Park on Lake Shore. The turnoff is just past the tennis courts. You have James's number, right?"

"Yeah."

"Carlisle said we could call him any time."

Edward stood up and put the lid back on his ice cream. "You owe me."

"That would require us to start speaking regularly again."

"And that would require you to admit that you've been brainwashed and ditch the jock jam."

"And that, dear brother, is why we're stuck at this never ending impasse."

"I'll call you when I see the tennis courts." Edward clicked his phone off and put the ice cream away. He ran a hand through his hair and thought about calling James. He preferred to keep people out of his business, and he was sure his brother would say the same, especially if it was something that could get the two of them into trouble. Edward looked around the kitchen, stopping when his eyes came to rest on his uncle's key rack. Three long strides took him across the room, and before he could think about the potential consequences of his actions, Edward grabbed the keys to his uncle's Lexus and headed out the door.

Under ordinary circumstances Edward wouldn't dare take someone's car, especially not Carlisle's. He was in enough hot water as it was, and he had no doubt this uncle would add an extra layer of punishment to his already almost-unbearable sentence if he got caught. The garage wasn't connected to the house, however, and this made taking the Lexus easier and more appealing.

Once he was a block away, Edward punched the name of the harbor into the built-in GPS and started his journey. As planned, he called Jasper when he passed the tennis courts.

"Where are you?"

"Down by the pier. Alice is waiting for you by the road."

"Alice? What does she have to do with this?"

Jasper sighed. "You'll see," he said, hanging up.

Edward spotted the short brunette moments later. He pulled the car off to the side of the road and cut the engine.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so glad you came!" Alice exclaimed, throwing her arms around his chest. He immediately stiffened and patted her back awkwardly.

"Where's Jasper?"

Alice looked up at him and Edward frowned. Her eyes were red and puffy and mascara streaks covered her cheeks. She pointed towards the water. "Down on the pier."

Edward looked in the direction she gestured, squinting his eyes until he could see his brother's silhouette. He started off down the grassy hill, shaking his head in confusion as he drew closer. "What the hell…"

"I'm sorry, man. I didn't know what else to do," Jasper explained when Edward was within hearing range. A mixture of anger and confusion filled his chest when looked down at his brother's feet.

Bella Swan was sprawled out on the wooden planks. He couldn't tell if she'd fallen or if she was placed there, but her legs were curled together to the side while her torso and head faced the start night sky. She had one arm pinned beneath her back and the other lay flat beside her. Her hair was a tangled mess and the side of her shirt was ripped. Even though it was dark, Edward could make out the slight rise and fall of her chest with each breath she took.

"What the hell is this?"

"She got real fucked up and passed out at the party," Alice explained.

"How did she get over here?"

"Emmett." Edward's head shot up at his brother's words. "Rose thought it was too much of a downer to let her lay in the sand where everyone else was, so she had Emmett carry her over here."

Edward's blood boiled. He wasn't Bella's biggest fan, but nobody deserved to be treated that way, especially by friends. "What did they plan on doing? Leaving her here until she woke up tomorrow morning?"

Alice nodded. "They've done it to people before, but never Bella. She doesn't usually get this fucked up."

"How much did she drink?"

"I have no idea, but according to Rose she took a few Ambien before the drinking started."

"Christ…" Edward's voice trailed off and he fisted his hair in his hands. "So what the fuck am I supposed to do? I've got Carlisle's car, I can't exactly take her to the hospital."

"You've got Carlisle's car?" Jasper looked around his brother to where the Lexus was parked. "That's ballsy, Edward. He'll kill you if he finds out you took it."

"Yeah, well, I thought _you_ were in trouble. If I'd of known you were going to ask me to play rescue ranger for her I wouldn't have bothered coming."

"Why do you think I wouldn't tell you what was going on?"

Edward kicked the toe of his shoe against a wooden plank and looked over at Alice. "You'll need to give me her address so I don't take her to the wrong house."

"No!" she exclaimed. "I mean we can't take her home. Her mom will have her head if she sees her like this."

"Maybe her mom _needs_ to have her head," Jasper pointed out. "She's clearly got a problem."

"There's more to it than that," Alice explained. She looked back and forth between the two brothers with pleading eyes. "It's not my place to tell you anything, but please believe me that taking her home would do more damage than good at this point."

"We'll take her to your house then," Jasper said.

"She can't come to my house, Jazz. We wouldn't even get her in the door and my mom would be on the phone with Renee."

Edward rolled his eyes. "So where do you propose we take her?"

Alice bit her lip and thought for a moment. "Can she stay at your place tonight?"

"What?" The two brothers asked in unison.

"Please? It's only for one night, and I know you have plenty of space. I'll get up early tomorrow and come and get her, and then I can take her home and it will be like nothing ever happened."

"I can't believe you'd drag me down here for his," Edward spit out, glaring at his brother and balling his fists at his sides.

"I already told you, if there was anyone else for me to call I would."

"Well, find someone else, cause I'm not going to do any favors for the girl who calls Rosalie Hale her best friend." Edward turned and started for the car. Light footsteps followed behind him and he felt a hand tugging at the back of his coat.

"Please, Edward," Alice pleaded. He stopped and sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. When he opened them she stood in front of him with tears spilling down her cheeks.

A million different thoughts swam in his head. He had no idea how Carlisle or Esme would feel about him and Jasper sneaking a girl into the house for the night. He wasn't sure if they knew the Swan family, or how they felt about them. It was their home, and as defiant as Edward could be, he felt like a certain amount of respect was necessary while staying there.

Then there was the fact that Bella was nothing but a self-centered, condescending bitch. She ran with the crowd that loved to hate him, and had stood by and watched on numerous occasions while her friends verbally accosted him. He was sure she took part in badmouthing him to his brother, and god only knows what kind of shit she had to say about the friends he chose to keep. She wasn't a good person and he didn't feel like she deserved help from anyone, especially him.

Edward _was_ a good person, however, even if he presented a tough exterior to those around him. Despite the bitterness he felt toward Bella Swan and the narcissistic group of assholes she hung out with, he knew he couldn't leave her lying there on a pier in the middle of the night.

"You owe me."

"Thank you so much!" Alice looked like she was going to give him a hug, but Edward shook his head.

"Tell Jasper to bring her to the car."

Alice took off back down the hill while Edward got in the Lexus and started the engine.

 _What the fuck are you thinking Cullen?_ The small voice inside his head wouldn't stop.

_What. The. Fuck?_

**IYoK  
**

"What room should we put her in?"

"I don't know. It's not like we have a ton of options."

"Well we need to figure something out. I don't think I can hold her for much longer." Jasper adjusted Bella's position in his arms and groaned.

"What if they find her in the morning?"

"Why would they find her?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. Knowing our luck Esme will lose something and have to look through all of the guest rooms to find it or some stupid shit like that."

"You are way too analytical."

"I'm trying to cover both of our asses here, Jasper. We wouldn't be in this fucking situation if _your_ friends weren't such a stand up group of individuals."

Jasper sighed. "Can we figure this out instead of fighting?"

"The guest rooms are out, the couch is out, so I guess that leaves our rooms. Well, your room to be specific."

"My room? She can't stay in my room, Edward!"

"Why not?"

"Her best friend is my girlfriend," Jasper pointed out. "It would be completely awkward and wrong on so many levels to have her stay in my room."

"Not if you slept on the couch," Edward argued.

"Someone has to stay with her."

"She's a big girl, Jasper. I think she'll be just fine sleeping by herself."

"Had she not taken Ambien and drank alcohol on top of that I'd agree with you. In the interest of her safety she needs someone to stay with her."

Edward ran a hand through his hair and rolled his eyes. If they kept their debate going they would wake his aunt and uncle up. "Fine, put her in my fucking room."

"Are you sure?"

"Do I have a choice? It's not like we can throw her in the bed with Carlisle and Esme."

Jasper's eyes filled with relief. He walked the ten steps to Edward's room and nudged the door open with his foot, crossing the space and gently placing Bella on one side of the bed. "Is this okay?"

"It's fine," Edward spat out, rolling his eyes and tugging nervously at his hair once more. "I'm not going to be able to sleep anyway."

"Should I get her some pajamas?"

"Fuck that. She can sleep in her clothes. I think we've extended enough charity in her direction for one night."

"Okay." Jasper shuffled from foot to foot awkwardly. "Alice should be by around nine tomorrow."

"Yep." Edward crossed the room and pulled a spare blanket from his closet, setting it on the empty side of the bed.

"Thank you, Edward." He looked up and met his brother's gaze. "I know there's a lot going on, things are fucked up, and you don't have any good reason to trust me. But I do appreciate this. I know Alice does as well."

Edward felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He didn't do well with compliments, especially when they came from someone he was conflicting with. "Goodnight, Jasper."

"Night, Edward."

As soon as Jasper left, Edward turned and surveyed the sight on his bed. He kneeled down and tugged at the zipper on Bella's boots, not wanting to risk the chance of her kicking him with them in the morning. Her skirt had ridden up when Jasper laid her down, exposing her long legs. His eyes roamed over her ivory skin, stopping when he saw the large cuts on the inside of her thighs. He resisted the urge to reach out and run his fingertips over them, and stood and covered her with his comforter instead.

Keeping all of his clothes on, Edward flipped off the lights and got on his side of the bed, propping the pillows up on the headboard and leaning his back against them. Bella shifted, rolling onto her side so she was facing him. He looked down at her, noticing her flushed cheeks and the pucker on her peachy lips. She looked so beautiful in that moment, with her hair fanned out around her and innocence covering her face. Edward cocked his head to the side and reached his hand out, tucking several stray strands of hair behind her ear and marveling at how soft her skin felt.

At the same time, he could see signs of exhaustion beneath her eyes and lines of worry etched into her features. Thoughts of the cuts he'd seen invaded his mind, and he wondered why a girl so young and who seemed to have everything would resort to such drastic behaviors.

The wheels started turning in his head, and for a minute he wondered if Mike Newton was the cause of her need to cut herself. Or perhaps it was her parents, or one of her not-so-stellar friends?

He shook his head, stopping his train of thought and reprimanding himself for even going there. This was Bella Swan. He hated her, she hated him, and neither was remotely interested in knowing about the other one's life. Her scars didn't matter anymore to him than his well being mattered to her.

He flipped over on his side, scooting as close to the edge of the bed as possible and fixing his eyes on the bedroom wall.

Sleep would inevitably take him, but not before Edward could promise himself never to extend courtesy to or do a favor for Bella Swan again.


End file.
